30 Days of Thanks: November 21, 2020

I sit tonight with the blank screen taunting me, what are you going to write tonight dear? There is no inspiration, there are no stories coming to mind at the moment, and yet you still insist on sharing. Why? Why do you insist on sharing?

I share my story, the highs, the lows and everything in between as both a way for me to heal, grow, and shift, but also as a way to find community. The social media world in which we reside often displays the highs, perfection. The photo cropped to show only the happy faces, and not the mess on the floor, or the 20 takes it took to make that single shot. Life is not a reflection of an edited photo; life is messy. I don't live my life in a filter, and yes, while I will crop a photo to hide the basket of socks to be matched or the pile of laundry, there are often photos I'll share with all of that showing. That is my life, there is always a basket of socks waiting to be matched at my house, we do hide it when company comes, so if you've seen it in person you're not company, but family.

I share my stories, my struggles, the grief and the processing so other women especially know it's normal. It's normal to not be ok after a divorce; it's normal to fall apart, but also fly high in new experiences and adventures. It's ok to love your children to pieces and have a life outside of them, and to not feel guilty or sad when they leave. It is ok to want a break from your job as a full-time parent. I share so other parents do not have to experience the guilt I felt as I went through these emotions. When I finally opened up to a few individuals and found they have had similar emotions I was more than relieved, I was ecstatic. 

While there is not a large community that follow me here, and most of these posts are read by family and close friends, I write to share, to create community. At some point there will be someone who will find these posts, my journey and find healing, find a connection, and peace within themselves. I share to this intimate community a glimpse into my mind, my emotions, my journey so I can heal from my own trauma. 

Tonight I find myself thankful for the courage and opportunity to share in this space.