Tonight I sit here, my stomach rolling from anxiety, and between the two it makes it challenging to find my gratitude. Though, in fact, the anxiety is the reason I need to find my gratitude. Reframe the perspective and reset the mind, as I sip my mint tea in order to soothe the physical side of the anxiety. With that I find myself thankful for the knowledge of my anxiety and the toolbox I have to manage it.
I have simple tools such as belly breathing, yoga breathing, and my 5 breath method. I could take a walk or a run or yoga. I could write; I could call a friend; I could call my therapist (bless her). I can cry too. I could go to sleep. Options- I have options, I just have to choose.
Two years ago I had limited options. I let my anxiety dictate a lot of my life, including my behavior. I almost lost a friend over it, that was the wake-up call that I needed. With a lot of work in and out of therapy I know my triggers, or at least most of them, and I have tools at my disposal. As the anxiety waves started arriving tonight and the voice crept into my head, one that tried to make me feel guilty for my own needs and wants, I knew it was anxiety. I knew it was from a poor night's sleep and being stressed about work projects. I knew it was from blocking parts of myself off and finally letting some of them out last night.
Emotional and spiritual growth are difficult, but there is always a choice. I can choose to stay as I am, or I can choose to evolve and grow. I can become a more authentic me. With the evolution of the self comes anxiety for me. It's the seeds of change, and when the uncertainty and feelings of instability appear the anxiety is triggered. I am thankful for the opportunity of growth and thankful for the knowledge and power to address the anxiety.
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