30 Days of Thanks: Day 26

I don't often dedicate or write about a particular individual here on my blog, but today I'm thankful for my TX B. Despite the chaos of his life right now he called me knowing I was having a high anxiety night. It was just one of those nights were I felt incredibly alone, neglected, unimportant, unloved and lonely. When you have anxiety these feelings are amplified and your anxiety feeds you all kinds of lies. Even if you know within you that it's false and anxiety is lying and manipulating you, the emotions are real, the grief is real and the battle is intense. That's where I found myself tonight.

My trigger? My kiddos are gone with their dad until Sunday and I fielded question after question today about the holiday. Challenging when I celebrated my holiday already and while I will celebrate again on Thursday with family, it's not with my kiddos and that's just my reality. I also know that last year I struggled immensely at Thanksgiving and I am working diligently at choosing not to be the person I was last year at this moment. Last year my TX B was there for me, calling me when he knew I was a wreck and blowing up my phone when I wouldn't answer. I was such a wreck I refused to answer my phone that night, and he kept at it until he knew I was as ok as I was going to be in the moment. This guy is one of my best friends, despite the time apart and distance between. I am incredibly thankful for the call and support day in and day out.

It's pretty rare that I can share the raw, unedited version of events with people. Even the raw emotions and stories I share here have been edited for posterity. It's not that I'm ashamed, but the world does not need to know every detail. I can share intimate details of my life with him and know he won't judge me. He will listen, offer advice, and support me. We're amazing friends and often people think we have been lifelong friends. Truth is we were friends in middle school, and went into different circles in high school and then I moved. Thanks to facebook we reconnected a bit, but last year as he started a difficult chapter I reached out to him, and fairly harassed him until he caved and let me into his circle. It's from there that we have grown our friendship into the gift that it is. I can't be more thankful and grateful than I am at this moment. I'll be able to sleep better tonight after our phone call earlier and the silly texts to make me laugh. Good and genuine friends like this are a blessing and I'm honored to have him as mine.