This morning and most of the day I had a number of ideas about what I wanted to write about tonight, but now as I sit down to write I've forgotten all of them. That's what happens when you have an anxiety spike. Your brain shuts down and you have to fight for every second. It's exhausting in ways you can't imagine unless you suffer from it yourself. There are moments that I will take the post-marathon/long run exhaustion and soreness over the relentless nature of anxiety. Today's spike came generally without warning, though tomorrow, assuming it has passed, I may be able to see the signs. Regardless, I sit here trying to find something to be thankful and grateful for. Sure, there are canned things like my health, my kids, their health, etc. but they wouldn't be genuine. My goal throughout this blog is to be genuine. What you read is me to my core, it might be filtered for the sake of protecting individuals, but the emotions behind it all are real.
I could cheat and look on facebook to see what I was thankful for last year on this day, but again, I'd know I'm not being honest. Honesty is a quality that I value highly. I'd rather you be honest with me about things than lie or avoid or ignore. Honesty takes a certain amount and type of courage that you don't often see these days. To the men and women that I know that are truly honest with me I thank you. And there it is: I'm thankful for the gift of honesty.
It may not always be well received, but it's always appreciated.
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