So I know a lot of people (including me!) did the 30 days of thanks on Facebook Well I took a few moments and went to look at what I was thankful for over the month. It generally summed up to my family and friends. There were quite a few posts about hubby and his consideration and support and love, which were followed by assistance from family, from filling in with daycare to providing financial support, none of what I have accomplished could have been done without them. Then of course there were my friends, finding me a last minute babysitter, keeping pace with me through the years, etc. It was interesting to see how it varied each day, and the occasional days that I was thankful for something rather than someone. It makes me wonder if I forced myself everyday to find ONE thing that I was thankful for how would it change as compared to November. Well........honestly I don't know. I (like everyone else) stopped on December 1 counting these blessings, but it is something I am going to keep doing, at least in my head.
I mean I know I complain and whine about not having any money (it's true!) and being stressed (also true), but there are a lot of people who have it much worse. My family and I have a roof over our heads, food to eat (while it might not be a lot or exactly what I want- it's food!), a safe car(s) to drive and a lovely school for our children. This is significantly more than a large portion of the world. I have freedoms that others do not, and a large host of other things, material goods and non-material things as well. And well, I generally try to keep my blog free of politics and religion, but I can't keep to myself that God has provided for me and my family through some very difficult times, and I just wanted to share that.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Job updating
Well I am sure you have been wondering what I (we) have been up to these past few weeks (months?). It has been steady work trying to keep our schedules intact, including for August through October I had been working teaching the odd lab and lecture for the physical therapy students in the midst of their pediatric course.
The major update is that I have applied for multiple clinical positions and heard back from a number of them. The biggest issue is that people think I have been getting my DPT (doctor of physical therapy) degree, so I have to clarify, which if they actually read my resumé then would know the difference. The other issue is salary, being that I would be considered underpaid in my first PT position and then had contract work at a higher rate of pay no one quite knows what to pay me. I guess that's a generally good position to be in, as they have been offering me higher rates than I would have been expecting. I interviewed in Chicago a while ago for a clinical position. I decided after much thought not to accept the tentative offer I had been given. I realized I have a few issues with their practice, one being that they early intervention clients they service are only at the clinic, when early intervention is meant to be home-based services, two they do not believe in episodes of care (which is basically that you only provide services to children when necessary, not just because they have a disability), and three because it does not appear that they are providing services to those with Medicaid, which I found crazy since the clinic is right in Chicago. Crazy right?!
So I have also applied and interviewed at two major Children's Hospitals as well. One was a Skype interview and one was in-person. So, I bet you are wondering how you manage to have interviews when you have four kiddos. Well...... it's a bit tricky! I have had multiple phone interviews at home with children being entertained by the electronic babysitter (tv or computer), which I generally try to schedule when I have at least one child out of the house. This means squeezing in an interview while the boys are at preschool and praying that B won't have a fit, which she has had EVERY time I have had a phone interview (or Skype), OR trying to have an interview over nap while S is at K (which sort of works). I think my favorite moment was 5 minutes into a Skype interview B decides that the basement is boring and she wants to come upstairs, but I have gated her in downstairs with S and the closed the basement door at the top. Well, this upset her quite a bit, so she starts crying........and then screaming........and well generally carrying on at the top of her lungs while I am in the room above pretending that I can't hear here and PRAYING that the people I am Skype interviewing with can't hear her. And what should have been a 20 minute interview lasted 45+ minutes!
Of course my other favorite interview moment was trying to carry on a telephone interview in the car while picking up S from school with the other 3 in the backseat.......I'm thankful that it actually went well and that my interviewer had a very limited time to speak to me.
I did manage to have a successful onsite interview with one hospital, which was following a less successful phone interview (boys were screaming during what was supposed to be nap.......). This was managed by flying out of our local airport at the crack of dawn, almost missing my flight because of delays at the check-in counter, having the interview (lasted about 3 hours), heading back to the airport and getting in really late the same night. All of which could not have been done without my mother-in-law because our regular babysitter was ill! Oh and this was followed by taking Al for minor surgery the next morning......
So...... yes you can job search at home with four kiddos, but man it is tough! Sometimes I have to lock myself into my room and then into our bathroom to hold a phone call briefly when I am at home with all four. It's a crazy thing, but it has worked out well for me. I can say that I have accepted a position at a wonderful children's hospital as a pediatric PT working 30 hours (full-time)!
The major update is that I have applied for multiple clinical positions and heard back from a number of them. The biggest issue is that people think I have been getting my DPT (doctor of physical therapy) degree, so I have to clarify, which if they actually read my resumé then would know the difference. The other issue is salary, being that I would be considered underpaid in my first PT position and then had contract work at a higher rate of pay no one quite knows what to pay me. I guess that's a generally good position to be in, as they have been offering me higher rates than I would have been expecting. I interviewed in Chicago a while ago for a clinical position. I decided after much thought not to accept the tentative offer I had been given. I realized I have a few issues with their practice, one being that they early intervention clients they service are only at the clinic, when early intervention is meant to be home-based services, two they do not believe in episodes of care (which is basically that you only provide services to children when necessary, not just because they have a disability), and three because it does not appear that they are providing services to those with Medicaid, which I found crazy since the clinic is right in Chicago. Crazy right?!
So I have also applied and interviewed at two major Children's Hospitals as well. One was a Skype interview and one was in-person. So, I bet you are wondering how you manage to have interviews when you have four kiddos. Well...... it's a bit tricky! I have had multiple phone interviews at home with children being entertained by the electronic babysitter (tv or computer), which I generally try to schedule when I have at least one child out of the house. This means squeezing in an interview while the boys are at preschool and praying that B won't have a fit, which she has had EVERY time I have had a phone interview (or Skype), OR trying to have an interview over nap while S is at K (which sort of works). I think my favorite moment was 5 minutes into a Skype interview B decides that the basement is boring and she wants to come upstairs, but I have gated her in downstairs with S and the closed the basement door at the top. Well, this upset her quite a bit, so she starts crying........and then screaming........and well generally carrying on at the top of her lungs while I am in the room above pretending that I can't hear here and PRAYING that the people I am Skype interviewing with can't hear her. And what should have been a 20 minute interview lasted 45+ minutes!
Of course my other favorite interview moment was trying to carry on a telephone interview in the car while picking up S from school with the other 3 in the backseat.......I'm thankful that it actually went well and that my interviewer had a very limited time to speak to me.
I did manage to have a successful onsite interview with one hospital, which was following a less successful phone interview (boys were screaming during what was supposed to be nap.......). This was managed by flying out of our local airport at the crack of dawn, almost missing my flight because of delays at the check-in counter, having the interview (lasted about 3 hours), heading back to the airport and getting in really late the same night. All of which could not have been done without my mother-in-law because our regular babysitter was ill! Oh and this was followed by taking Al for minor surgery the next morning......
So...... yes you can job search at home with four kiddos, but man it is tough! Sometimes I have to lock myself into my room and then into our bathroom to hold a phone call briefly when I am at home with all four. It's a crazy thing, but it has worked out well for me. I can say that I have accepted a position at a wonderful children's hospital as a pediatric PT working 30 hours (full-time)!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Sleeping
Sleep has always been an issues in our home since baby #1, and well when you think about it having four consecutive babies in 4 years and 6 days you tend to not get good sleep. So these days we are drugging B with melatonin everynight and have just added DJ to the list. Totally spaced the other night with B and 45 minutes later she was still up chattering away in her crib with NO intention of going to sleep. Melaotnin in and within 20 minutes she was asleep. We started giving it to DJ because he's been taking AGES to go to sleep, regardless of when we put him to bed. The other night it took him over 90 minutes to get to sleep. Add on top of that he wakes up to pee between 10 and midnight and pretty much refuses to return to his own bed. Now we have a small mattress on the floor in our room right next to our bed where DJ likes to sleep once he has had his nightly pee.
He's a funny little thing. Some nights he just wants to sleep in our room, regardless of the sleeping situation. In fact while I had been returning to school in the evenings to work out the kinks in the dissertation I came home a few nights to hubby passed out in bed and DJ right beside him. I just then slept on the couch and let the boys take their rest. In the morning hubby had no clue that DJ had climbed into bed! We're hoping that the melatonin makes it easier for him to stay in his own bed. I don't mind him sleeping on the mattress in our room, but he slurps his thumb while he sleeps and it can drive hubby NUTS!
So what's the point of my post? I don't really know, I just felt like sharing our sleeping situation. If anyone has any suggestions about how to get a newly 3 year old to sleep the night in his own bed we would much appreciate it.
He's a funny little thing. Some nights he just wants to sleep in our room, regardless of the sleeping situation. In fact while I had been returning to school in the evenings to work out the kinks in the dissertation I came home a few nights to hubby passed out in bed and DJ right beside him. I just then slept on the couch and let the boys take their rest. In the morning hubby had no clue that DJ had climbed into bed! We're hoping that the melatonin makes it easier for him to stay in his own bed. I don't mind him sleeping on the mattress in our room, but he slurps his thumb while he sleeps and it can drive hubby NUTS!
So what's the point of my post? I don't really know, I just felt like sharing our sleeping situation. If anyone has any suggestions about how to get a newly 3 year old to sleep the night in his own bed we would much appreciate it.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Growing Up
Took the boys this morning to their first day of Co-Op at the new location. I figured that Al would be ok, but that DJ may want me to stick around for a while. Boy did I get that wrong! They went in fine, washed hands, moved their names and went about their business. They didn't even really want me to walk around with them to explore what the different rooms had to offer! I was bummed! Guess they are growing up.
Well while the boys were at school and the girls with our sitter I worked more on this pesky dissertation. Suffice it to say Microsoft Word and I are no longer friends......
So on Tuesday & Thursdays when the boys have Co-Op they get out at 11:30 and S's kindergarten starts at noon at the same location. Today we packed a picnic lunch of hummus, veggies, tortillas and the kids got a juice box. S finished quickly and was really anxious to get into school and get going. When they finally started to let her class in she ran off without even a good-bye! I had to catch her and ask if she wanted a good-bye outside or us to meet her in the classroom when the boys finished up. She asked for an inside good-bye, which was funny, because when we came in she was so engrossed in her book that she didn't really want to say good-bye. :) I can't believe that she is the same child who was a little timid yesterday (literally yesterday) at Kindergarten and today was ready to go without even a by-your-leave........
I have always wanted my kiddos to be independent, but these past two days have been a shocker. They were never super clingy, but this has been surprising. I'm glad that they love their new Co-Op and I like to thank them for some of this independence. It's just been a surprising day.
Well while the boys were at school and the girls with our sitter I worked more on this pesky dissertation. Suffice it to say Microsoft Word and I are no longer friends......
So on Tuesday & Thursdays when the boys have Co-Op they get out at 11:30 and S's kindergarten starts at noon at the same location. Today we packed a picnic lunch of hummus, veggies, tortillas and the kids got a juice box. S finished quickly and was really anxious to get into school and get going. When they finally started to let her class in she ran off without even a good-bye! I had to catch her and ask if she wanted a good-bye outside or us to meet her in the classroom when the boys finished up. She asked for an inside good-bye, which was funny, because when we came in she was so engrossed in her book that she didn't really want to say good-bye. :) I can't believe that she is the same child who was a little timid yesterday (literally yesterday) at Kindergarten and today was ready to go without even a by-your-leave........
I have always wanted my kiddos to be independent, but these past two days have been a shocker. They were never super clingy, but this has been surprising. I'm glad that they love their new Co-Op and I like to thank them for some of this independence. It's just been a surprising day.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
A new year, a new schedule
So today made me realize that this year is the start of a new world in schedules. Here is a synopsis of today from midnight forward
midnight- pack up from school and head home
1am- turn off light and get some sleep
7:15- wake-up & shower
7:45- get kids awake & dressed & fed
8:45- kids done eating and starting to clean-up breakfast
9:15- out the door to go to swim lessons (mind you the house has to be checked for cleanliness since it is on the market)
9:30-10- boys have swim lessons at YMCA
10:30-11:15 boys took first gymnastics lessons at YMCA
11:15-11:45 leave Y, head home, drop off Al, DJ and B with sitter and leave to take S to kindergarten
12-2:30- kindergarten
3-6 playtime
6- dinner
7- leave to head to school to finish edits on dissertation
midnight- head home!
Whew! I'm beat just looking at that! I am SO thankful that I will be DONE with this dissertation very, very soon, but even without the schooling on my part this is going to be interesting. I am used to the kiddos only going to school 2 days per week, this whole 5 days per week thing is throwing me off already and we have only had 1 day thus far!
So here is my lessons for the day, when scheduling things you MUST remember that your child now attends school everyday!
midnight- pack up from school and head home
1am- turn off light and get some sleep
7:15- wake-up & shower
7:45- get kids awake & dressed & fed
8:45- kids done eating and starting to clean-up breakfast
9:15- out the door to go to swim lessons (mind you the house has to be checked for cleanliness since it is on the market)
9:30-10- boys have swim lessons at YMCA
10:30-11:15 boys took first gymnastics lessons at YMCA
11:15-11:45 leave Y, head home, drop off Al, DJ and B with sitter and leave to take S to kindergarten
12-2:30- kindergarten
3-6 playtime
6- dinner
7- leave to head to school to finish edits on dissertation
midnight- head home!
Whew! I'm beat just looking at that! I am SO thankful that I will be DONE with this dissertation very, very soon, but even without the schooling on my part this is going to be interesting. I am used to the kiddos only going to school 2 days per week, this whole 5 days per week thing is throwing me off already and we have only had 1 day thus far!
So here is my lessons for the day, when scheduling things you MUST remember that your child now attends school everyday!
Kindergarten......day 1
So off she went to school........
But I could pretend it wasn't real today. I took her in, dropped her things off in her cubby, we had a small circle and then a nice parent meeting while the kiddos played. When we finished the parent meeting we had another small circle, then snack and playtime outside. After our adventures outside we had another circle (storytime!) and then went home. So it wasn't a *real* first day was it?
I guess we'll see how tomorrow goes!
S did love it though. I think her biggest "issue" will be that she only really knows one of the girls in the class from last year, but she makes friends pretty quick from what I can tell. The other really good thing is that the class is primarily girls, so lots of great opportunities for her.
But I could pretend it wasn't real today. I took her in, dropped her things off in her cubby, we had a small circle and then a nice parent meeting while the kiddos played. When we finished the parent meeting we had another small circle, then snack and playtime outside. After our adventures outside we had another circle (storytime!) and then went home. So it wasn't a *real* first day was it?
I guess we'll see how tomorrow goes!
S did love it though. I think her biggest "issue" will be that she only really knows one of the girls in the class from last year, but she makes friends pretty quick from what I can tell. The other really good thing is that the class is primarily girls, so lots of great opportunities for her.
Vacation, part 1
We FINALLY had a family vacation. We have been planning on a super fabulous vacation as our family present when I graduated. Well after my defense in July we finally got around to planning this vacation. It was crazy, but wonderful!
We undertook over 30 hours of driving to and from our home to manage this vacation but it was worth every hour we spent in the car. We started our vacation in NJ for the wedding of one of my wonderful cousins. This should have taken us about 12 hours of drive time, in reality it took close to 18. We left Thursday evening and finally crashed into a hotel room about 2 am. Hit the road the next morning and expected to be in NJ about 5pm, well unfortunately for us a semi carrying explosives decided to catch fire a few miles in front of us in the middle of nowhere and our 6 hour drive to NJ turned into 12 hours on the second day. The wedding was wonderful. Honestly if you are EVER invited to a wedding in NJ, GO! I have been to 2 awesome weddings in NJ.
Leaving NJ we headed for Chincoteague, VA, home of the famous Misty of Chincoteague books, which was about 5-6 hours south of where we were in NJ. This is a wonderful place to take kids. There is a beach, things to do without being in your face crazy tourist crap, and places to hike and bike. The island is really designed well for biking (we didn't, but it looked like fun) and there is a trolley system that runs in the afternoons/evenings as well. We rented a lovely 3 bedroom townhome that had a private deck and dock and view of Assateague Island. It is actually very close to where they swim the ponies ashore. Of our 5 full days on Chincoteague we spent 3 full days on the beach at Assateague in the guarded section of the beach. The waves were nice, nothing to high or rough, and a small current. This was our kids first time at a beach. S had been to a beach at 20 months or so, but of course she doesn't remember that. They were all a little timid at first, but the big 3 warmed up quickly and were playing in the waves by the end of beach #1. Miss B (we're trying not to call her baby B) was not a fan of the beach, not sure why since she loves both water and sand, but as long as we held her she was ok.
On our alternate days we explored in town and attempted to hike on Assateague. We actually alternated beach days and explore town/Assateague days as hubby tends towards sunburns. Now being in town was great, but exploring Assateague was another story. There are mosquitoes galore! I purchased 2 new DEET-free repellents which did work, but unlike DEET-based repellents the bugs would swarm around you (and the stroller- OMG the stroller). In fact on our first hike to the Assateague lighthouse we didn't pack repellent and were so intent on getting inside the lighthouse we left the camera in the stroller. Luckily for us the kids LOVED climbing the lighthouse so we did it again on our last day with repellent and a camera. Now the 2 visitor centers of Assateague are very nice and I recommend them, but we didn't get a chance to try out their children's activities so I can't give you an opinion on them. We did attempt to hike another trail on the island, but the bugs swarming us again made it a bit miserable. Oh well!
Now this area is a GREAT place for seafood, which hubby and I dearly love. We found a great place called The Crab Shack and ordered from there twice. The crabs........OMG the crabs........ YUMMO! It was heaven. I enjoyed oysters and crab and flounder- all local to the area. One more reason why we would like to move that way.........
But I digress (as usual). So the beach was amazing and the people super friendly. In fact on our first day at the beach a couple shooed away the seagulls from our stuff since we had inadvertently left pretzel crumbs around and the birds were apparently going through our things searching for food! The kids found some other kids to dig in the sand with on some days, but mostly played together. It's times like these that I really appreciate having a "large" family. I love that my kids bring along their own playmates, what a special experience for them. One I particularly cherish being an only child.
So after 5 full days on Chincoteague we had to unfortunately return back to our lives and split our 12/13 hour drive up across two days. We did take the children across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel system, which was a great experience for them. Luckily for us we did not meet any major traffic developments on our trek home and rounded out our vacation with a fabulous dinner and margaritas at our favorite local Mexican restaurant.
I promise to post pictures and more stories about vacation in the next few days.
We undertook over 30 hours of driving to and from our home to manage this vacation but it was worth every hour we spent in the car. We started our vacation in NJ for the wedding of one of my wonderful cousins. This should have taken us about 12 hours of drive time, in reality it took close to 18. We left Thursday evening and finally crashed into a hotel room about 2 am. Hit the road the next morning and expected to be in NJ about 5pm, well unfortunately for us a semi carrying explosives decided to catch fire a few miles in front of us in the middle of nowhere and our 6 hour drive to NJ turned into 12 hours on the second day. The wedding was wonderful. Honestly if you are EVER invited to a wedding in NJ, GO! I have been to 2 awesome weddings in NJ.
Leaving NJ we headed for Chincoteague, VA, home of the famous Misty of Chincoteague books, which was about 5-6 hours south of where we were in NJ. This is a wonderful place to take kids. There is a beach, things to do without being in your face crazy tourist crap, and places to hike and bike. The island is really designed well for biking (we didn't, but it looked like fun) and there is a trolley system that runs in the afternoons/evenings as well. We rented a lovely 3 bedroom townhome that had a private deck and dock and view of Assateague Island. It is actually very close to where they swim the ponies ashore. Of our 5 full days on Chincoteague we spent 3 full days on the beach at Assateague in the guarded section of the beach. The waves were nice, nothing to high or rough, and a small current. This was our kids first time at a beach. S had been to a beach at 20 months or so, but of course she doesn't remember that. They were all a little timid at first, but the big 3 warmed up quickly and were playing in the waves by the end of beach #1. Miss B (we're trying not to call her baby B) was not a fan of the beach, not sure why since she loves both water and sand, but as long as we held her she was ok.
On our alternate days we explored in town and attempted to hike on Assateague. We actually alternated beach days and explore town/Assateague days as hubby tends towards sunburns. Now being in town was great, but exploring Assateague was another story. There are mosquitoes galore! I purchased 2 new DEET-free repellents which did work, but unlike DEET-based repellents the bugs would swarm around you (and the stroller- OMG the stroller). In fact on our first hike to the Assateague lighthouse we didn't pack repellent and were so intent on getting inside the lighthouse we left the camera in the stroller. Luckily for us the kids LOVED climbing the lighthouse so we did it again on our last day with repellent and a camera. Now the 2 visitor centers of Assateague are very nice and I recommend them, but we didn't get a chance to try out their children's activities so I can't give you an opinion on them. We did attempt to hike another trail on the island, but the bugs swarming us again made it a bit miserable. Oh well!
Now this area is a GREAT place for seafood, which hubby and I dearly love. We found a great place called The Crab Shack and ordered from there twice. The crabs........OMG the crabs........ YUMMO! It was heaven. I enjoyed oysters and crab and flounder- all local to the area. One more reason why we would like to move that way.........
But I digress (as usual). So the beach was amazing and the people super friendly. In fact on our first day at the beach a couple shooed away the seagulls from our stuff since we had inadvertently left pretzel crumbs around and the birds were apparently going through our things searching for food! The kids found some other kids to dig in the sand with on some days, but mostly played together. It's times like these that I really appreciate having a "large" family. I love that my kids bring along their own playmates, what a special experience for them. One I particularly cherish being an only child.
So after 5 full days on Chincoteague we had to unfortunately return back to our lives and split our 12/13 hour drive up across two days. We did take the children across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel system, which was a great experience for them. Luckily for us we did not meet any major traffic developments on our trek home and rounded out our vacation with a fabulous dinner and margaritas at our favorite local Mexican restaurant.
I promise to post pictures and more stories about vacation in the next few days.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Growing up
My little S is growing up. Tomorrow begins her Kindergarten journey. Hubby and I made the decision to keep her at her Co-Op preschool, which offers a half-day afternoon kindergarten, to minimize the stress to her in this period of transition. And to be honest- we can put off that day of dropping off our oldest at "big kid" school a little longer. I worry about how she will adjust to big kid school having been in Co-Op for 2+ years, but I know she will be fine. But what about me?!
I am excited for her. I know she is excited about learning to read and I can only imagine the doors that will open for her, but it's frightening to me! Today was our last afternoon home together and I so wanted to do something special with just her, but it just wasn't feasible. I'm feeling a bit guilty, but I have to keep remembering that we did some mama & daughter stuff earlier in the month. I don't think it will matter to her that we didn't have one last special afternoon, and I won't make a big deal about it because Al is already upset that he cannot have a special lunch date with me (his request) for a while due to scheduling issues.
So I'll let you know how tomorrow goes, but of course tomorrow is the first day, but parents are required to be present the entire time, so her first "real" day isn't until Thursday. Can I stretch that out some more? Please? No?! This whole school thing is a lot more stressful that I thought it would be.
I am excited for her. I know she is excited about learning to read and I can only imagine the doors that will open for her, but it's frightening to me! Today was our last afternoon home together and I so wanted to do something special with just her, but it just wasn't feasible. I'm feeling a bit guilty, but I have to keep remembering that we did some mama & daughter stuff earlier in the month. I don't think it will matter to her that we didn't have one last special afternoon, and I won't make a big deal about it because Al is already upset that he cannot have a special lunch date with me (his request) for a while due to scheduling issues.
So I'll let you know how tomorrow goes, but of course tomorrow is the first day, but parents are required to be present the entire time, so her first "real" day isn't until Thursday. Can I stretch that out some more? Please? No?! This whole school thing is a lot more stressful that I thought it would be.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Advice Requested
So I need a little advice..........
I have to find a job and my problem is that I'm not sure what to do. My goal after completing this PhD was to find this magical clinical research position that allows me time to be a physical therapist and treat clients AND have time to participate in research. These jobs are few and far between and when you add the pediatric factor they are almost non-existent. I have spent the past month poking around at jobs, trying to find something, but the jobs are generally clinical, administrative or faculty. If we had the financial luxury I would continue to hunt, or at the very least wait until February (when our national convention occurs) to find a really good fit, but without the influx of student loan money that would usually come in August to get us settled, things are tight, really tight. Thus I need to find something soon.
I would love to be back in the clinic, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to do any research. Most clinics are not designed to allow their practitioners time to research. That being said if I did return to the clinic full-time in 2 years I would be able to sit for my specialist certification exam. This would make me more marketable in some respects.
A faculty position would give me the access to research and possibly (depending on the position and location) access to practice in a clinic up to 1-day a week. The issue with a faculty position is that my vita is a bit lacking in the publication department. The other issue is that I must determine what else I am qualified to teach outside of pediatrics.... *sigh* I love pediatrics so much and it's not that I'm not competent to teach other things, but pediatrics is my love and it is the ONLY thing I have done since graduating from PT school in 2003, other than a 3 month stint at a nursing home (ugh!) I could potentially teach research courses, lifespan, parts of adult neuro and basic skills courses, but usually these are well covered in most programs. Also I enjoy teaching, and I like to think I'm good at it, but it doesn't give me that feeling that I get when I have either presented my research or helped a child learn to walk..........
The other option is a post-doc, which are also few and far between for pediatrics and PT in general. This pays a lot less than both the clinic and faculty, but may give me a leg-up. The issue is that there is 1 possible post-doc that I could qualify for that has been advertised and the rest I basically just have to send out some emails and see if anyone has any money laying around or coming in shortly.
It's just frustrating. I don't want to start a local PT job here in a clinic doing pediatric work knowing that I am looking for work elsewhere, it's not fair to anyone. And since I probably haven't made it clear we WANT to move out-of-state. Nothing against our current state, but we are ready to move on. This was always to be a temporary move, and our next move may be temporary as well, but we'll worry about that later! :)
So any and all advice is welcome.......
I have to find a job and my problem is that I'm not sure what to do. My goal after completing this PhD was to find this magical clinical research position that allows me time to be a physical therapist and treat clients AND have time to participate in research. These jobs are few and far between and when you add the pediatric factor they are almost non-existent. I have spent the past month poking around at jobs, trying to find something, but the jobs are generally clinical, administrative or faculty. If we had the financial luxury I would continue to hunt, or at the very least wait until February (when our national convention occurs) to find a really good fit, but without the influx of student loan money that would usually come in August to get us settled, things are tight, really tight. Thus I need to find something soon.
I would love to be back in the clinic, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to do any research. Most clinics are not designed to allow their practitioners time to research. That being said if I did return to the clinic full-time in 2 years I would be able to sit for my specialist certification exam. This would make me more marketable in some respects.
A faculty position would give me the access to research and possibly (depending on the position and location) access to practice in a clinic up to 1-day a week. The issue with a faculty position is that my vita is a bit lacking in the publication department. The other issue is that I must determine what else I am qualified to teach outside of pediatrics.... *sigh* I love pediatrics so much and it's not that I'm not competent to teach other things, but pediatrics is my love and it is the ONLY thing I have done since graduating from PT school in 2003, other than a 3 month stint at a nursing home (ugh!) I could potentially teach research courses, lifespan, parts of adult neuro and basic skills courses, but usually these are well covered in most programs. Also I enjoy teaching, and I like to think I'm good at it, but it doesn't give me that feeling that I get when I have either presented my research or helped a child learn to walk..........
The other option is a post-doc, which are also few and far between for pediatrics and PT in general. This pays a lot less than both the clinic and faculty, but may give me a leg-up. The issue is that there is 1 possible post-doc that I could qualify for that has been advertised and the rest I basically just have to send out some emails and see if anyone has any money laying around or coming in shortly.
It's just frustrating. I don't want to start a local PT job here in a clinic doing pediatric work knowing that I am looking for work elsewhere, it's not fair to anyone. And since I probably haven't made it clear we WANT to move out-of-state. Nothing against our current state, but we are ready to move on. This was always to be a temporary move, and our next move may be temporary as well, but we'll worry about that later! :)
So any and all advice is welcome.......
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
the unexpected
There comes a time in EVERYONE's lives that something unexpected happens, and I'm not talking about a little something, but a BIG something. We recently learned that something unexpected happened to some friends of ours and while I am not at liberty to share any information, we'll just say it is life changing.
I wanted to share with them (and everyone else) that even though things may not be going as planned or expected there is a reason this event occurred, God has a master plan that we are not privy too. Sometimes it may take a while to figure out why, but each time hubby and I have experienced something totally unexpected, we have *usually* been able to identify after the fact why. I always like to use the example of my son Al (#2), we weren't planning him, in fact we didn't plan a single one of our kiddos, but that's another topic! But we know now that he was born to get us through the death of my grandma, who passed away six weeks after he was born. Same thing happened with DJ- he was born the day after my hubby's grandma passed away. I will say when I found out I was pregnant with #4 I called my last remaining grandparent and said "You better not be dying in 9 months!" (Which he didn't!)
I don't yet have enough hindsight to see aftereffects with my dissertation, but I am sure that it will come. ;)
So I just wanted to share that life happens and sometimes you just have to have a LOT of faith and know that your family and friends and the Lord will support you through this journey.
I wanted to share with them (and everyone else) that even though things may not be going as planned or expected there is a reason this event occurred, God has a master plan that we are not privy too. Sometimes it may take a while to figure out why, but each time hubby and I have experienced something totally unexpected, we have *usually* been able to identify after the fact why. I always like to use the example of my son Al (#2), we weren't planning him, in fact we didn't plan a single one of our kiddos, but that's another topic! But we know now that he was born to get us through the death of my grandma, who passed away six weeks after he was born. Same thing happened with DJ- he was born the day after my hubby's grandma passed away. I will say when I found out I was pregnant with #4 I called my last remaining grandparent and said "You better not be dying in 9 months!" (Which he didn't!)
I don't yet have enough hindsight to see aftereffects with my dissertation, but I am sure that it will come. ;)
So I just wanted to share that life happens and sometimes you just have to have a LOT of faith and know that your family and friends and the Lord will support you through this journey.
Monday, July 23, 2012
7/2, 1:00, 310
July 2, 1:00pm began one of the biggest moments of my life. DISSERTATION DEFENSE! In just under 45 minutes I presented the 310 pages (current count) of my dissertation research. It was amazingly easy presenting, in fact I had almost no nerves once I started presenting. It wasn't that different from all of the practice trials I had done, which made me really glad I had rehearsed it that much.
The questions were good and generally answerable. I did realize into one questioning that I could easily get into a pissing match with this faculty member (not on my committee), but I opted to avoid it and was left alone after the initial questioning. When the committee removed all the outside people the questions were interestingly a little more relaxed, but still challenging. I was confident when they asked me to leave the room, but hearing a raised voice of my adviser made me walk a little further down the hallway. It could have been 5 minutes or 15 that I waited for them, but when my adviser came out to get me there was a smile and a question about how many years it had been. Hugs and congratulations were given and it was done!
I still have corrections to do, and in fact have only been back into school one evening since my defense to look at the dissertation, but I am still waiting on comments from a committee member. But.......otherwise I am DONE!
PhD, PT
The questions were good and generally answerable. I did realize into one questioning that I could easily get into a pissing match with this faculty member (not on my committee), but I opted to avoid it and was left alone after the initial questioning. When the committee removed all the outside people the questions were interestingly a little more relaxed, but still challenging. I was confident when they asked me to leave the room, but hearing a raised voice of my adviser made me walk a little further down the hallway. It could have been 5 minutes or 15 that I waited for them, but when my adviser came out to get me there was a smile and a question about how many years it had been. Hugs and congratulations were given and it was done!
I still have corrections to do, and in fact have only been back into school one evening since my defense to look at the dissertation, but I am still waiting on comments from a committee member. But.......otherwise I am DONE!
PhD, PT
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Jealousy
Hi! My name is Gina and I am JEALOUS! Isn't that how these meetings are supposed to start? Man I hate being jealous, it eats away at you and you know it's wrong, but sometimes you just ARE! So what am I jealous about today- another fellow student just defended his dissertation yesterday. I am super happy for him, really I am! He has worked so hard, but I swear 2 months ago when I spoke to him he was talking about a summer defense and I was talking about May/June, and now he's done and I can't get 1 person to commit to a date! Thus I'm jealous.
Just having one of those weeks where I am feeling more and more behind and am on pins and needles because I am this close (see my fingers with that tiny space between them) to setting a date. I don't get how he went from summer to defending yesterday! A committee that works better than mine is probably step number one, not being behind in writing would be number two. Lessons learned that I need to share now: when you are at this stage in your dissertation you should have already finished major edits to the majority of your chapters, not still be working on them. This is a side tangent that I could discuss for ages, but will drop it now.
So back to my jealousy- I don't want to be jealous of him or the other graduates of our program from this year but I am. Jealous they are done, jealous that the committee member we all shared had more time for them this semester than me. Which I will not bring up with said member, because it will be dumped on my head about my lack of communication. Ugh! There's another rant right there, but I digress. My head is happy for them, they worked hard and it aggravates me that I find parts of my heart that are jealous. I know it's just a current state and it will pass, that it comes from me wanting to be done so badly and being burned out beyond belief and well just plain human nature. We are all at time jealous whether we want to be or not, will I obsess about it- not usually, but today I will, since it has been eating away at me since last week.
Personal thoughts are that the obsessive jealousy comes from not getting my date set (1 member holding back) and just being completely surprised that he was ready to defend. It took me off guard and I think the jealousy stems from feeling inadequate. I know the end is in sight, July is right around the corner and I'm worried. Worried that I will field some impossible questions at my defense, worried, worried worried worried. My Christian friends will tell me to offer it up to Jesus, which I am doing, but it's difficult to let go. So I'm purging a bit here in hopes that it will help rid me of these green eyes.
Now that I've ranted let me tell you a funny story from this morning.
Just having one of those weeks where I am feeling more and more behind and am on pins and needles because I am this close (see my fingers with that tiny space between them) to setting a date. I don't get how he went from summer to defending yesterday! A committee that works better than mine is probably step number one, not being behind in writing would be number two. Lessons learned that I need to share now: when you are at this stage in your dissertation you should have already finished major edits to the majority of your chapters, not still be working on them. This is a side tangent that I could discuss for ages, but will drop it now.
So back to my jealousy- I don't want to be jealous of him or the other graduates of our program from this year but I am. Jealous they are done, jealous that the committee member we all shared had more time for them this semester than me. Which I will not bring up with said member, because it will be dumped on my head about my lack of communication. Ugh! There's another rant right there, but I digress. My head is happy for them, they worked hard and it aggravates me that I find parts of my heart that are jealous. I know it's just a current state and it will pass, that it comes from me wanting to be done so badly and being burned out beyond belief and well just plain human nature. We are all at time jealous whether we want to be or not, will I obsess about it- not usually, but today I will, since it has been eating away at me since last week.
Personal thoughts are that the obsessive jealousy comes from not getting my date set (1 member holding back) and just being completely surprised that he was ready to defend. It took me off guard and I think the jealousy stems from feeling inadequate. I know the end is in sight, July is right around the corner and I'm worried. Worried that I will field some impossible questions at my defense, worried, worried worried worried. My Christian friends will tell me to offer it up to Jesus, which I am doing, but it's difficult to let go. So I'm purging a bit here in hopes that it will help rid me of these green eyes.
Now that I've ranted let me tell you a funny story from this morning.
Sitting on the floor nursing B after she woke up, Al comes in and says when you're done giving her mama milk DJ needs you in the bathroom. "He's pooped and waving his poopy butt at me." Find DJ bent over waggling his bum in the air yelling to be wiped. It was funny- I promise. Aren't two year old naked bums funny to you?
Monday, May 21, 2012
Graduation
So about 3 weeks ago I "graduated." I walked across a stage, was hooded by my primary adviser, shook hands with the president and dean, had lots of pictures taken and had family and friends there. Here's the catch- I'm not actually done.
It's funny. To me walking across that stage meant so much to me, and it was difficult until right before the ceremony to be super excited about it. I have fought so long and so hard for this, that I expected to be ecstatic. I wasn't, and I believe that it was just because I'm not done yet. I know lots of people go through similar situations, but I had not planned on this, nor realized how it would impact me until I experienced it. While I had the option to delay participating and graduate in December hubby and I made the choice to do it in May because we do not plan on being here in December and it does not make financial sense to have everyone trek back here to watch me walk. I also made the choice to tell my family that I did not want a big celebration, nor gifts, until I am completely done. Sometimes I feel like I may have cheated them out of a celebration, but I am hoping that they can join us when I defend, because there will be a party then! I know everyone understands, but I just wanted to let you all know that I love you all and I know you are supporting me (and hubby and the kids) as we finish this process.
So the abridged version of where I stand right now is that EVERYTHING is written, we are just editing. Which is a major chore when the initial comments were you need to cut, which I knew but sometimes you just don't have a clue where or how, but I have persevered and I think at least one chapter may be done until my outside member reads it. We are trying to finalize a date in early July, which is a month later than I wanted, but when your adviser gets it in her head that she will be reading your dissertation on her vacation there is no arguing. While I applaud her efforts and dedication- I wouldn't want to read my dissertation (or anyone's) while I am on vacation. So a few prayers if you please that I will get the early July date and not the others and for me to have great focus and learning the next month or so.
It's funny. To me walking across that stage meant so much to me, and it was difficult until right before the ceremony to be super excited about it. I have fought so long and so hard for this, that I expected to be ecstatic. I wasn't, and I believe that it was just because I'm not done yet. I know lots of people go through similar situations, but I had not planned on this, nor realized how it would impact me until I experienced it. While I had the option to delay participating and graduate in December hubby and I made the choice to do it in May because we do not plan on being here in December and it does not make financial sense to have everyone trek back here to watch me walk. I also made the choice to tell my family that I did not want a big celebration, nor gifts, until I am completely done. Sometimes I feel like I may have cheated them out of a celebration, but I am hoping that they can join us when I defend, because there will be a party then! I know everyone understands, but I just wanted to let you all know that I love you all and I know you are supporting me (and hubby and the kids) as we finish this process.
So the abridged version of where I stand right now is that EVERYTHING is written, we are just editing. Which is a major chore when the initial comments were you need to cut, which I knew but sometimes you just don't have a clue where or how, but I have persevered and I think at least one chapter may be done until my outside member reads it. We are trying to finalize a date in early July, which is a month later than I wanted, but when your adviser gets it in her head that she will be reading your dissertation on her vacation there is no arguing. While I applaud her efforts and dedication- I wouldn't want to read my dissertation (or anyone's) while I am on vacation. So a few prayers if you please that I will get the early July date and not the others and for me to have great focus and learning the next month or so.
To my hubby
Dear Hubby,
I know that today did not go as planned, but I wanted to tell you that I love and am proud of you. You have done so much for me, especially these past 4+ months. I am sure that you told me about the importance of today, and I am so sorry that I didn't remember it, nor make enough time for you to have the time that you needed. Please don't be overly hard on yourself, you have a lot on your plate, more than most would care to imagine. I can only promise that things will get better and WE will make time for you.
Thank you for:
Yours,
Gina
I know that today did not go as planned, but I wanted to tell you that I love and am proud of you. You have done so much for me, especially these past 4+ months. I am sure that you told me about the importance of today, and I am so sorry that I didn't remember it, nor make enough time for you to have the time that you needed. Please don't be overly hard on yourself, you have a lot on your plate, more than most would care to imagine. I can only promise that things will get better and WE will make time for you.
Thank you for:
- putting the kids to bed 5+ nights a week
- doing the dishes every night
- cleaning the kitchen every night
- doing and folding laundry, including diapers
- taking out the trash & recycle and bringing them back in
- mowing the lawn
- running errands
- fixing Co-Op
- putting up with me and my temper
- supporting (physically, emotionally, financially) me through this endeavor
- making me do fun things with you and with the kids so I didn't go completely crazy the past 4+ months
- tolerating (and enjoying) meals made on an increasingly limited budget and with more and more beans
- not making me feel guilty when I just needed some "me" time even I had been out/away every night working on school stuff
Yours,
Gina
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Dissertation update, Part 2- A fly on the wall
So here is part 2 of my update. Ever wished you could be the proverbial fly on the wall during a conversation? Well today I was, and it was completely unintentional. I was pumping in my cubby (or playpen as we call it) and I heard 2 familiar voices from my committee. It was then I realized that they were going to be discussing me, because I do not believe that they have any other doc students in common (though I could be wrong!). Now part of me wanted to hear what was being said and part of me really didn't want to hear it. Lucky for me the pump drowned out most of the conversation, but I did catch snatches of it. The basic gist is that my chapter 3 is way too long (like I don't know that?!) and I did a cruddy job with the discussion section and well my writing in general is not up to scratch, and goodness I have too many tables and figures. *sigh* And oh did I mention that I'm way behind my peers/colleagues?
I guess maybe to your eyes (ears?) that doesn't sound too bad, but it's killing me. I am working so hard at this and I feel like I am getting NO support from the academic side (I know I said this before). I know I'm not the best writer, but isn't your committee supposed to help you be a better writer? I won't place all the blame on them, I know I have not been the best communicator, but I'm so tired of feeling like they place all the blame on me. Honestly I don't expect any of them to say hey I'm sorry I haven't been better at supporting you, but a let's sit down and go over this in person would be nice. And yes I know- I SHOULD be the one to say that, but I can't/won't. I'm terrified to meet with them, I don't think I can handle this constant harping, supposed to be constructive criticism any longer. I've had too many meetings these past 5 years where I walk in feeling confident and walk out feeling more than defeated, but stupid. Do you want to meet with someone who makes you feel stupid?
So after I overheard this conversation and I finished pumping I just sat there. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry- I wanted to run into the offices and demand that we go over this once and for all. I'm tired of being talked about. It has been happening the ENTIRE time I have been in this program. I have unintentionally overheard numerous conversations about my poor skills at writing papers, writing test questions and teaching style. Quite honestly I feel like I am the brunt of the jokes of our program, and while I have NO EVIDENCE that this is true, it's just how I feel.
Anyway back to today's conversation, so I just sat there and did nothing, cleaned up my pumping stuff and tried to get back to reading articles. Then I hear a voice call out, "anyone in there?" so I say yes and then I hear a door close as they leave. I'm thinking well, situation avoided, until about 5 minutes later I hear "Is that you?" (referring to me). I said yes and opened our cubby door and found myself face to face about to have the conversation I didn't want to have. I *think* someone may have been embarrassed that I overheard things, but I was honest and said I didn't hear everything- I was pumping, but that yes I could hear some things. I left it vague (maybe that was cowardly of me) and open for said person to take the lead. Things were explained that my chapters were too long (again- I know!), my discussions not substantial enough and that were debates about turning my chapters into journal articles. I can say none of this was surprising, which I guess is a good thing? I just didn't like that it went from that to well this is how your peers/colleagues are doing things and you are behind. I know I'm behind, do people honestly think I don't know I'm behind?! I know that I have ZERO articles published to my name, do you think I'm proud of that?! I'm not....... it makes me cry..... it makes me angry and it makes me very disappointed in myself. Do I need a reminder from an outside source? No thank you! I do think somewhere during this conversation said person was trying to make me feel like I was being supported, in that I wasn't going to have to rewrite my entire chapters 3 & 4, but honestly I don't know.
I wish I hadn't overheard this conversation, or any of the others I have heard. But I have to say it's difficult not to hear things when people have conversations less than 5 feet from your cubby and your cubby doesn't have walls that go to the ceiling- hence you can hear anything said within a large radius. I'm *hoping* that maybe they will be more cautious in discussing me and pitfalls in the future, but who knows.
I guess maybe to your eyes (ears?) that doesn't sound too bad, but it's killing me. I am working so hard at this and I feel like I am getting NO support from the academic side (I know I said this before). I know I'm not the best writer, but isn't your committee supposed to help you be a better writer? I won't place all the blame on them, I know I have not been the best communicator, but I'm so tired of feeling like they place all the blame on me. Honestly I don't expect any of them to say hey I'm sorry I haven't been better at supporting you, but a let's sit down and go over this in person would be nice. And yes I know- I SHOULD be the one to say that, but I can't/won't. I'm terrified to meet with them, I don't think I can handle this constant harping, supposed to be constructive criticism any longer. I've had too many meetings these past 5 years where I walk in feeling confident and walk out feeling more than defeated, but stupid. Do you want to meet with someone who makes you feel stupid?
So after I overheard this conversation and I finished pumping I just sat there. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry- I wanted to run into the offices and demand that we go over this once and for all. I'm tired of being talked about. It has been happening the ENTIRE time I have been in this program. I have unintentionally overheard numerous conversations about my poor skills at writing papers, writing test questions and teaching style. Quite honestly I feel like I am the brunt of the jokes of our program, and while I have NO EVIDENCE that this is true, it's just how I feel.
Anyway back to today's conversation, so I just sat there and did nothing, cleaned up my pumping stuff and tried to get back to reading articles. Then I hear a voice call out, "anyone in there?" so I say yes and then I hear a door close as they leave. I'm thinking well, situation avoided, until about 5 minutes later I hear "Is that you?" (referring to me). I said yes and opened our cubby door and found myself face to face about to have the conversation I didn't want to have. I *think* someone may have been embarrassed that I overheard things, but I was honest and said I didn't hear everything- I was pumping, but that yes I could hear some things. I left it vague (maybe that was cowardly of me) and open for said person to take the lead. Things were explained that my chapters were too long (again- I know!), my discussions not substantial enough and that were debates about turning my chapters into journal articles. I can say none of this was surprising, which I guess is a good thing? I just didn't like that it went from that to well this is how your peers/colleagues are doing things and you are behind. I know I'm behind, do people honestly think I don't know I'm behind?! I know that I have ZERO articles published to my name, do you think I'm proud of that?! I'm not....... it makes me cry..... it makes me angry and it makes me very disappointed in myself. Do I need a reminder from an outside source? No thank you! I do think somewhere during this conversation said person was trying to make me feel like I was being supported, in that I wasn't going to have to rewrite my entire chapters 3 & 4, but honestly I don't know.
I wish I hadn't overheard this conversation, or any of the others I have heard. But I have to say it's difficult not to hear things when people have conversations less than 5 feet from your cubby and your cubby doesn't have walls that go to the ceiling- hence you can hear anything said within a large radius. I'm *hoping* that maybe they will be more cautious in discussing me and pitfalls in the future, but who knows.
Dissertation update, part 1
So there has been a LOT going on the past 2 months in regards to my dissertation. So this is part 1: where I am at and what has happened. Part 2 is a commentary (vent?) about something that occurred today.
If you follow me regularly you would have seen the crazy schedule that I posted a while back. We have been keeping to that crazy schedule, though with a few more breaks built in for everyone's sanity. In regards to the dissertation all five of my chapters have been written and reviewed (at least once) by my adviser. Chapter 3 (which is study #1) is off to 2 other committee members and I am expecting their feedback sometime this week, most of which I expect is that it is too darn long (60+ pages, not including figures, tables, or references). I am revising Chapter 4 (study #2) currently and will have it done by the end of the week. Intro and lit reviews (chapters 1 & 2) are waiting on review from my chairs from their second round of edits by me. Next on my list of things to edit and revise is my final chapter, summary and conclusions. This chapter needs a lot of work, especially because I apparently failed miserably when I wrote it. *sigh*
So I know two posts ago I was ranting about delaying my defense and while I could still rant about it I won't (at least for now). The basic facts are that I am anticipating a defense in May or June. I really can't afford to go any later into June. I HAVE to get a job, earn some money somehow to get us out of this financial pit we are in. On the upside I do get to "walk" at Commencement in May. My name won't be in the program, a degree will not be conferred, yada, yada yada........but to me it's super important to walk. Hubby and I don't plan to be here in December when I could walk and have my name in the program, etc. and it's not financially feasible for all of us travel back here just so I can participate in graduation. So while I really wanted to participate fully in graduation and BE DONE with this process by May I guess I have to suck it up and move on.
So that's the abridged version of what has been going on. You really don't want to hear the unabridged version.
If you follow me regularly you would have seen the crazy schedule that I posted a while back. We have been keeping to that crazy schedule, though with a few more breaks built in for everyone's sanity. In regards to the dissertation all five of my chapters have been written and reviewed (at least once) by my adviser. Chapter 3 (which is study #1) is off to 2 other committee members and I am expecting their feedback sometime this week, most of which I expect is that it is too darn long (60+ pages, not including figures, tables, or references). I am revising Chapter 4 (study #2) currently and will have it done by the end of the week. Intro and lit reviews (chapters 1 & 2) are waiting on review from my chairs from their second round of edits by me. Next on my list of things to edit and revise is my final chapter, summary and conclusions. This chapter needs a lot of work, especially because I apparently failed miserably when I wrote it. *sigh*
So I know two posts ago I was ranting about delaying my defense and while I could still rant about it I won't (at least for now). The basic facts are that I am anticipating a defense in May or June. I really can't afford to go any later into June. I HAVE to get a job, earn some money somehow to get us out of this financial pit we are in. On the upside I do get to "walk" at Commencement in May. My name won't be in the program, a degree will not be conferred, yada, yada yada........but to me it's super important to walk. Hubby and I don't plan to be here in December when I could walk and have my name in the program, etc. and it's not financially feasible for all of us travel back here just so I can participate in graduation. So while I really wanted to participate fully in graduation and BE DONE with this process by May I guess I have to suck it up and move on.
So that's the abridged version of what has been going on. You really don't want to hear the unabridged version.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Thanks
Thanks to all the support from my family and friends the past two days. I don't want to be a drama queen, and I hope I'm not portraying myself as one, but it has been quite a journey. So anyways, THANKS again.
I really appreciate all the support and thought and prayers. It really does help to know that people are proud of you and supportive of your choices- no matter how crazy it seems.
THANKS to you all and I will remember you in my prayers tonight.
I really appreciate all the support and thought and prayers. It really does help to know that people are proud of you and supportive of your choices- no matter how crazy it seems.
THANKS to you all and I will remember you in my prayers tonight.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Dissertation update and rant
So now that you know how crazy life in general is, let me update you on this dissertation. Data collection is done and data analysis is done. I have written all of my chapters except my final summary chapter (which is due Saturday). I don’t think I realized how much I opted to tackle when I designed this study, but lord I wish someone on my committee had sat down/stood up/something and said you MUST cut something out! Honestly maybe that has been the issue from the start is that I feel like I don’t have anyone being my cheerleader and supporter. While I do have one committee member that I adore, he is a junior faculty member in comparison to the others and I don’t think that he would make waves unless he felt it was unethical.
So back to my data. I have 16 variables and 5 subjects for each study. Now for many of you that doesn’t seem excessive, but when you are doing a single-subject design study that means there is NO group comparison. You graph each variable for each subject and you write up each variable by subject. No you do the math: 16 X 5, oh and then multiply that by 2, since I had to redo my first study. Needless to say excel and I are good friends most days.
The not so great news is that I don’t have any clear trends in my data, it’s a jumbled mess! I could easier deal with other things than this mess I brought upon myself. Honestly I have no one else to blame, but me in regards to the massive amount of data. But I wish that it had some clear cut trends. Trying to dissect that much data and figure out what/why things didn’t go as planned has been horrific. It doesn’t help when you aren’t getting the assistance you feel you could use from your support system and they just want to know why your project didn’t work and these others did. *sigh* It’s been a rough past few weeks and I know I have more to tackle.
I’m just seriously disheartened by the lack of academic support and the delays that keep occurring. It makes you want to quit, but you know you can’t when the end is in sight. The difficult part about the end is that in my opinion it keeps getting pushed back by others. It’s frustrating to send an email with a timeline and have not one person respond to it and when you bring it up 1 month later in regards to another issue it is finally addressed and you are told it’s not obtainable, why don’t you wait another 4-8 weeks?! I guess to them 4-8 weeks isn’t bad, but I assume they are not struggling to pay their bills or feed their families or are burned out beyond belief (both hubby and I) and are in desperate need of the vacation that has been delayed (again). I understand that EVERYONE who earns a PhD has setbacks and it is a true journey and test of character, but honestly I feel like I have struggled and struggled and there has not been the support from the academic side that there really should have been. I’m sorry if you think I’m whining and complaining, but if I don’t do it here I will explode. I can’t make complaints at school for fear of repercussions and the honest fact that I need the contacts that academia will provide when I finally leave this place.
So I guess enough of the pity party and back to work. My writing is calling.
My crazy days
So it’s been a long time since I’ve updated this blog. It’s certainly been on my mind, but I have been so busy that I haven’t had a moment to write a few things. To give you an idea of how busy here is an average day:
7:00am wake-up get ready and get kids ready and eat breakfast
8:00am out the door to preschool
8:30-11:30am on Tuesdays work at preschool
11:30-1:30 get kids home, feed lunch and get the boys down for a nap and my big girl set up with an activity
1:30-3:30 wrestle B to sleep, hold her for most of the nap, because generally when I lay her down she is up within 20 minutes
3:30-4:00 get kids up and feed a snack
4:00-5:00 take them outside to play (or maybe I can put some laundry away)
5:30-6:30 fix dinner and eat it too…
6:30-7:00 get myself out the door
7:00-11:00pm (or later) work at school on my dissertation
WHEW! Are you tired yet?! Don’t mind that when I get home at 11/12 B usually wakes up and wants to nurse and is then up every 2-3 hours. It’s exhausting. Tuesdays are especially challenging as we have dance class at 4:30. Monday and Wednesdays we have swim lessons in the morning, so instead of preschool we head to the Y, where generally (though this week has been bad) I can get in a 30-minute run/walk session on the treadmill.
Now here’s an interesting note: my advisor says to me- well I did all my dissertation work from 9pm-2am. Bully for her, cause while she had 3 boys who all slept and were not as close as mine I don’t have the luxury of working repeatedly until 2am. I did it Monday night to the dismay of hubby and let me tell you I barely survived Tuesday.
Needless to say we are running on full steam here to get this dissertation done. I am writing everynight, except Sundays. I need one full day NOT to work on this project, and today I really want to take a mental health day and do nothing but enjoy this spring day. Sadly, I won’t even though I know I need it, because I will be wracked with guilt when come Saturday I end up being at school all afternoon and most of the evening trying to meet my next deadline. So instead I decided to write this blog post! Lucky you!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Traveling with 4 kiddos
So I wanted to share our recent (well not so recent anymore) traveling experience. Hubby and I undertook the 10 hour drive (which means about 12 hours of travel) to visit my parents for Thanksgiving. Now I know you may be thinking WHAT IS SHE CRAZY? 12 hours in the car with 4 little kids!? Well we survived and lived to tell our tale, as well as did our children. Did I mention that we did it without electronic entertainment?
First off in undertaking such a long trip at crazy holiday times is selecting your departure times. We were pulling out of our driveway at 4am on Wed before Thanksgiving. Kids were in their jammies and told they MUST go back to sleep, which they generally did, though I did catch S trying to read her Where's Waldo book in the pitch darkness of the car! :) Second we planned breakfast in the car: bagels with cream cheese, juice boxes and bananas. Note I should say I can't stand bananas so it was a sacrifice on my part to smell bananas, but it was fast easy. By delaying breakfast as long as possible we ensured that when we finally stopped the kids had already been in the car at least 5 hours and would really have to pee.
Another thing about traveling with 4 little ones: be prepared to stop frequently for potty breaks and standing rule in our car is if one has to pee: THEY ALL HAVE TO PEE! We also travel with a potty in the car, thus if we are on the freeway with no stop in sight or on the NY thruway just past a rest area we can have them pee without squatting/standing. Although my kids are pretty good about not peeing frequently. That being said we also don't dish out lots of drinks when we undertake trips. While it may sound cruel, it saves issues. Although Al did have an accident not that far along into the trip, which is highly unlike him.
We pack lots of snacks to travel: chex mix, nuts, peppers, carrots, cheese sticks, a few cookies and we even had M&Ms kept as a bribe. For the adults we had a large carafe of coffee predoctored and water, lots of water.
But back to the kids. The day before I had them pack backpacks full of car-friendly toys and activities. My favorite trick is each child has a 1/2" 3-ring binder that I fill with coloring pages, mazes, etc. Each child was required to have crayons/markers available to them. The backpacks had carabiners attached to the top hooks and then were hooked onto seat-belts or wherever I could attach it so they would not drop them. Al's marker bag was even hooked into the backpack. Books also, lots of books. My kids love to read and Al and S will frequently trade back and forth.
We did stop and McD's for lunch- it's a real treat for our kiddos and a chance to be a little crazy. I personally don't think it's fair to expect the children to sit and behave in an "adult" restaurant after sitting all that time in the car. It's always a little difficult to reload in the car after a long lunch, but those McD's toys are a good incentive. When we travel the toys are not opened until we are back in the car!
Honestly all in all the trip up to NY went smoothly. It was our return trip that was difficult. Probably because we made it longer by taking a side trip to Niagara Falls and then went to avoid some traffic and wound through some interesting farm roads in OH.
So let it be known that even in 2011 (I know it's 2012, but we traveled in '11) that you can travel long distances with 4 little kiddos without electronic entertainment. The only electronics were our cell phones (for the adults) and CDs we custom designed for travel, one for sleep and one for play.
Hope this helps all you out there in blogland!
First off in undertaking such a long trip at crazy holiday times is selecting your departure times. We were pulling out of our driveway at 4am on Wed before Thanksgiving. Kids were in their jammies and told they MUST go back to sleep, which they generally did, though I did catch S trying to read her Where's Waldo book in the pitch darkness of the car! :) Second we planned breakfast in the car: bagels with cream cheese, juice boxes and bananas. Note I should say I can't stand bananas so it was a sacrifice on my part to smell bananas, but it was fast easy. By delaying breakfast as long as possible we ensured that when we finally stopped the kids had already been in the car at least 5 hours and would really have to pee.
Another thing about traveling with 4 little ones: be prepared to stop frequently for potty breaks and standing rule in our car is if one has to pee: THEY ALL HAVE TO PEE! We also travel with a potty in the car, thus if we are on the freeway with no stop in sight or on the NY thruway just past a rest area we can have them pee without squatting/standing. Although my kids are pretty good about not peeing frequently. That being said we also don't dish out lots of drinks when we undertake trips. While it may sound cruel, it saves issues. Although Al did have an accident not that far along into the trip, which is highly unlike him.
We pack lots of snacks to travel: chex mix, nuts, peppers, carrots, cheese sticks, a few cookies and we even had M&Ms kept as a bribe. For the adults we had a large carafe of coffee predoctored and water, lots of water.
But back to the kids. The day before I had them pack backpacks full of car-friendly toys and activities. My favorite trick is each child has a 1/2" 3-ring binder that I fill with coloring pages, mazes, etc. Each child was required to have crayons/markers available to them. The backpacks had carabiners attached to the top hooks and then were hooked onto seat-belts or wherever I could attach it so they would not drop them. Al's marker bag was even hooked into the backpack. Books also, lots of books. My kids love to read and Al and S will frequently trade back and forth.
We did stop and McD's for lunch- it's a real treat for our kiddos and a chance to be a little crazy. I personally don't think it's fair to expect the children to sit and behave in an "adult" restaurant after sitting all that time in the car. It's always a little difficult to reload in the car after a long lunch, but those McD's toys are a good incentive. When we travel the toys are not opened until we are back in the car!
Honestly all in all the trip up to NY went smoothly. It was our return trip that was difficult. Probably because we made it longer by taking a side trip to Niagara Falls and then went to avoid some traffic and wound through some interesting farm roads in OH.
So let it be known that even in 2011 (I know it's 2012, but we traveled in '11) that you can travel long distances with 4 little kiddos without electronic entertainment. The only electronics were our cell phones (for the adults) and CDs we custom designed for travel, one for sleep and one for play.
Hope this helps all you out there in blogland!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
randomness update
An update from the crazy household.
In an effort to get this PhD done I have not been blogging, in fact most nights I am at school or Panera or Starbucks analyzing data, writing, emailing or literature searching. That my friends is the glamorous life of a mom of 4, PhD student who needs and wants to get it DONE. Why at night may you ask? Why not at home? Well baby B (now a year old!) is sleeping a bit bitter, but really still up entirely too much and I just can't work well when she keeps waking up, so off I go. I'm working at night, because the honest truth is money is extremely tight in our household and we are really having to watch how many hours we book our wonderful so that she can still be paid and we can not be any more broke than we already are! Thus we eat dinner, I feed B and off I go until 9, 10 or 11 depending on where I go and how I'm feeling. The good news is that my committee has agreed to let me complete the graduation paperwork. Now I just need to get a move on!
In other notes, B turned a year. We had a nice party planned, and it turned out to just be our family that came. Made me a bit sad for B, since when you look at everyone else's first birthday pictures there are lots of people and she had a really small turnout, but I can't control the world (as much as I try). Generally she's a happy healthy girl. Not yet walking, will take a step or so, but quite content to crawl and cruise. I'm not concerned, she will be a terror when she gets upright and moving! She's into everything as it is already. I have never had a child so interested in the trash or toilet paper or the boys potty......
Other news....... we are loving our new van. Did I mention that hubby got in a nasty wreck in the beginning of December and totaled our family car? He's fine, and so is B who was also in the car. The car and car seats had to be replaced. So we switched from a Chrysler Pacifica, which we loved, but had really outgrown to a lovely Dodge Grand Caravan. OMG it's amazing and we only have a basic model, but there is so much room compared to the other car. And by the way did you think that it would be possible to car shop with four kids in tow? Well it is! Have to say that it went surprisingly smooth shopping with our four- hubby and I were impressed with them. The other day in the car they actually asked when we were going to the car store again!
There really isn't much going on these days. Kids are back in swimming lessons, preschool is in session and dance class has resumed. It's a busy week going between all these, trying to study/write and not go insane, but thus far we are surviving.
On a side note I have two sites I would like to refer you all to.
One is for the founder and owner of Cotton Babies who is trying to get legislation in place to help families NOT have to choose between diapers and food. I can say that without our cloth diapers, we would be pretty close to the being one of those families. I can relate to her story about $30 per week for groceries and a WIC check. It's no secret that we live off our WIC checks. Without those, well........ I don't want to think about it. Anyways please read her blog post here and share it with your friends and family.
The second is another blog post from a pro-breastfeeding dad. I found it amusing and I love to hear things from the dad's perspective. Maybe someday I can get hubby to write a post about breastfeeding. So here it is, I hope you enjoy.
In an effort to get this PhD done I have not been blogging, in fact most nights I am at school or Panera or Starbucks analyzing data, writing, emailing or literature searching. That my friends is the glamorous life of a mom of 4, PhD student who needs and wants to get it DONE. Why at night may you ask? Why not at home? Well baby B (now a year old!) is sleeping a bit bitter, but really still up entirely too much and I just can't work well when she keeps waking up, so off I go. I'm working at night, because the honest truth is money is extremely tight in our household and we are really having to watch how many hours we book our wonderful so that she can still be paid and we can not be any more broke than we already are! Thus we eat dinner, I feed B and off I go until 9, 10 or 11 depending on where I go and how I'm feeling. The good news is that my committee has agreed to let me complete the graduation paperwork. Now I just need to get a move on!
In other notes, B turned a year. We had a nice party planned, and it turned out to just be our family that came. Made me a bit sad for B, since when you look at everyone else's first birthday pictures there are lots of people and she had a really small turnout, but I can't control the world (as much as I try). Generally she's a happy healthy girl. Not yet walking, will take a step or so, but quite content to crawl and cruise. I'm not concerned, she will be a terror when she gets upright and moving! She's into everything as it is already. I have never had a child so interested in the trash or toilet paper or the boys potty......
Other news....... we are loving our new van. Did I mention that hubby got in a nasty wreck in the beginning of December and totaled our family car? He's fine, and so is B who was also in the car. The car and car seats had to be replaced. So we switched from a Chrysler Pacifica, which we loved, but had really outgrown to a lovely Dodge Grand Caravan. OMG it's amazing and we only have a basic model, but there is so much room compared to the other car. And by the way did you think that it would be possible to car shop with four kids in tow? Well it is! Have to say that it went surprisingly smooth shopping with our four- hubby and I were impressed with them. The other day in the car they actually asked when we were going to the car store again!
There really isn't much going on these days. Kids are back in swimming lessons, preschool is in session and dance class has resumed. It's a busy week going between all these, trying to study/write and not go insane, but thus far we are surviving.
On a side note I have two sites I would like to refer you all to.
One is for the founder and owner of Cotton Babies who is trying to get legislation in place to help families NOT have to choose between diapers and food. I can say that without our cloth diapers, we would be pretty close to the being one of those families. I can relate to her story about $30 per week for groceries and a WIC check. It's no secret that we live off our WIC checks. Without those, well........ I don't want to think about it. Anyways please read her blog post here and share it with your friends and family.
The second is another blog post from a pro-breastfeeding dad. I found it amusing and I love to hear things from the dad's perspective. Maybe someday I can get hubby to write a post about breastfeeding. So here it is, I hope you enjoy.
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