Beauty

I stumbled upon this poem earlier today and it has resonated within me quite a bit.

For you see I struggle at times with my outward appearance. I've never considered myself undeniably pretty, or stunning or anything of those terms that we use to describe beauty. It has taken me a long time and work to honestly accept a compliment about my outward appearance. I certainly don't match the typical societal ideology of pretty, and for the majority of time I'm fine with that. Though, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it bothered me at times. But then, I look down at my belly with its stretch marks, wide hips and thick thighs and think of what they've done. I've grown and birthed 4 beautiful healthy babies under my own power; I've run 3 marathons; I've hiked miles with a heavy pack; I've picked up babies, toddlers, teens, and the occasional adult off the floor from therapy. I've carried countless babies and laundry baskets on those hips. I may not be tall, lean or have perfect proportions, but I am strong, I am beautiful in my own right.

In that, my beauty comes from my love, courage, and unending light. I don't need society to dictate my beauty. Until you've walked my path, or a similar one, you don't know the courage it has taken to get out of bed and go about the day. The courage to make life altering decisions that impact not only me, but my entire family. The courage to grow, to live, to love again and not completely crumble under it all. There have been any number of days where I'd rather not face the world or my problems, but it's not part of my nature to hide away. My situation will not change unless I am willing to confront my fears and demons with light and life and love.

As I reflect on all of this I'm reminded of the new song from Frozen 2, All is Found, which is incredibly powerful.

"But can you brave what you most fear?

Can you face what the river knows?"

Do you have the strength and courage to face the memories, the fears, the insecurities?

There are certainly days when I don't have those skills, and I spend my time alone on the riverbank, awash in my anxiety and fears. For at the root of anxiety is fear; to ease my anxiety I must acknowledge my fears.

"Until the river's finally crossed

You'll never feel the solid ground

You had to get a little lost

On your way to being found"

I have spent time being lost, barely shining, just glowing and glimmering, hiding in the darkness of fear and anxiety. Those moments of being lost are the unique opportunities for growth. For I believe, that even in the those moments of discontent and disconnect, I am learning to strengthen my inner light. Each of these moments of being lost and crossing the river lead to becoming a more beautiful version of me.