Happiness and Perspective

Sometimes all it takes is a little time and perspective to find that piece that is missing. I know that it was just yesterday that I was writing about floating along. Today, I am grounded with a seed of happiness within me. How did it happen so fast? Let me tell you a little story.

As you may have guessed writing helps me process things. I write here on my blog, I journal, I write letters (some I send, some I don't). It just gives me a place to get it all out in different formats. On top of my writing I pray nightly and I reach out to specific friends (you know who you are). Today I woke up in a better space than where I was yesterday most of the day. Sometimes it's just about giving it time and really a good night's sleep in your own bed can do amazing healing. But today I spent the day doing outdoor chores. There was a pear tree that tried to take me down, and in fact knocked me back on butt about 5ft when my saw separated. I was fine, just a little bit of wind knocked out of me. But after a break I went back and attacked that tree to finish trimming it.

It was while I was standing next to my fire pit breaking up those pear tree branches that I found that grain of internal happiness and perspective. I was thinking random things and thinking about different people in my life. A thought crossed my mind about how impressive this act might be to a certain person, when I thought to myself. "Why am I trying to impress them with this mundane action?" And it hit me- I didn't need to impress them with my actions, they should be just be impressed/like me for me. I know, it's something I should know and believe, but I haven't believed that in a long while. Today though, it stuck.

I am me, perfectly imperfect, but just who I should be. I'm a mom to 4 amazing kids. I'm a pediatric PT. I've got a PhD. I'm a certified Epic clinical builder. I'm a lifeguard. I'm a runner. I'm a former crazy cloth diapering mama. I'm granola crunchy. I love fiercely and with my entire heart. I have anxiety but it does not define me. I cherish my friends and family. I have a very tight group of friends, preferring quality friendships over quantity.  I will help out anyone who needs it, but if my friends need me I will do everything in my power to help. I will pray for you. I love being outside. I'm not afraid of power tools and enjoy using them. I'll try anything once. I have a tattoo of hope on my wrist to help me focus in times of stress and pain.

It was a freeing moment to realize that I am enough. I don't have to impress anyone, and if you don't want to include me or forget to include me that's on you. I will be happy without you, but I would like to share my joy with you. And that my friends is my seed of happiness. As I promised a dear friend of mine, I'm not settling for a seed, but will seek more.