One year, 2 days

One year and 2 days I embarked on my new position at my hospital. It was a HUGE leap of faith for me. I had no idea what exactly my job would entail, in fact my manager and those that advocated for my position didn't quite know what my job would entail. It took me out of daily patient care and into the tech and analytics world. Analytics I'm wired for, tech not quite as much, but thanks to some amazing mentors I've made my way. I certainly have a lot that I can still learn, but this job has been a blessing.

This job allows me the flexibility that I need in my life right now that I just can't have with a full-time patient care position. It allows me to have days like the other day: taking the kids to the dentist, fielding a conference call in the dental waiting area, dropping them at school and then hosting a very important conference call from my minivan while parked in front of the school. It's with the blessing of my management that I am able to do these things. There's something to be said for an amazing manager.

I never imagined myself in a role like this honestly. I left grad school and just wanted to go back to being a practicing therapist and find my way into some clinical therapy research. I made inroads into the clinical research, but there were a lot of obstacles and when my personal life started falling apart it was one of the things that fell by the wayside. In this role I can start pursuing that again.

The other component of this position is that I am not emotionally drained at the end of the day. I may have some significant mental fatigue, but I am not emotionally wiped. I never realized how much of myself I invested into my patients and families and the significant toll it was on my health until I was out of it. It honestly took almost 6 months to heal from that stress. Trying to go through a divorce and all the upheaval that it creates while simultaneously supporting families of children with disabilities in all different stages stripped me raw. I was coaching families on grieving the loss of the child they imagined during pregnancy while undergoing my own intense grieving process, and that left me tired and anxious. I have been able to heal myself and practice self care in a way that would not have been possible had I stayed in my patient care role.

Don't think that I don't miss my patients and families. I miss the magic that happens in a therapy session when you get to witness that first sit or steps on their own and know that you played a role in it. Or, when you give a child a piece of equipment and suddenly they're upright and mobile. I cherish those moments and magic that they brought to me. Today marks the return of patient care into my schedule. It's a tiny amount with only 1 scheduled per month, but it was wonderful to step away from my desk and use my therapist brain. To talk with a patient and family and figure out their needs and know that I can assist them.

I know what a journey I have taken over the past year in my career, faith, family and my own personal outlook. I am looking forward to seeing where the next year is going to be bringing me. I anticipate a year of more magic moments.