2018 Wrap Up

Now that 2018 is coming to a close I have taken some time to reflect on the journey of this year. This has been a roller coaster of a year. I started this year hobbling in on one foot with a boot on the other, and I'm now finishing the year on my own two feet stronger, healthier and happier than where I started. New Year's Day last year was my first day of physical therapy and today I finished a 30 minute plyometric, interval workout. I ran 2 races this year and logged a lot of odd runs. I gained the best running buddy on the planet.

I changed jobs. I worked for 5 years as a pediatric PT at our amazing children's hospital, but when the opportunity to take a position that would allow me to have more flexibility came about, I went for it. This job has been life changing. The biggest thing that I learned from that boot, was that I needed to have more flexibility in my schedule and a full-time patient care based position just does not feasibly allow for that. I miss my patients and families and I miss the magic that comes with being a therapist, but I know that in 2019 I will regain some of my patient care time. But, I have been blessed to have this new position that allows me to work from home when life happens. And it challenges me in new ways that my other position was not doing. Cheers to unexpected life changes.

I took a tremendous amount of time caring for myself this year. My therapist challenged and pushed me to work through some difficult memories and painful emotions. She could have let me just come to therapy and vent about the incessant chaos and turmoil that has been 2018, but she pushed me and I grew. I learned how to manage my anxiety and not to use it as a crutch. I know some of my triggers and have learned how to be in tune with myself so I can identify what is truly an emotion and what is anxiety manifesting as an emotion. This was a life changing moment, so now I know when that random afternoon sadness hits like a truck it's my anxiety and hunger- I'm not really sad.

I learned to value myself and my time more than ever. In doing this I have become a better mother. This past month especially I have been able to focus on my kids and enjoying the magic of the Christmas season, despite the chaos. Even on our most chaotic weekend we had magic. I'm not saying we didn't have rough patches, but in my own growth I am becoming the mother that I want to be, and the one that my children deserve.

I have learned how to ask for help and accept it without feeling guilty (most of the time...) I have learned how to share my stories and listen better to other people's stories. While I feel at times that my circle has shrunk, I know that the people within my circle support and love me. With that knowledge I am being more discriminating about my circle. If you aren't going to love me and support me, then I don't need you in my life. With that I have made some great new friends; ones that make me laugh, that call me on my BS and support me in my chaos.

2018 was a year of painful growth and development, but it had a multitude of high moments. I have cried and screamed, felt like giving up, torn my hair and despite it all I am still standing. Not only am I standing, but I am taller and a more authentic me than I have been in a long time. I will go into 2019 continuing to be genuinely me.