Now that 2018 is coming to a close I have taken some time to reflect on the journey of this year. This has been a roller coaster of a year. I started this year hobbling in on one foot with a boot on the other, and I'm now finishing the year on my own two feet stronger, healthier and happier than where I started. New Year's Day last year was my first day of physical therapy and today I finished a 30 minute plyometric, interval workout. I ran 2 races this year and logged a lot of odd runs. I gained the best running buddy on the planet.
I changed jobs. I worked for 5 years as a pediatric PT at our amazing children's hospital, but when the opportunity to take a position that would allow me to have more flexibility came about, I went for it. This job has been life changing. The biggest thing that I learned from that boot, was that I needed to have more flexibility in my schedule and a full-time patient care based position just does not feasibly allow for that. I miss my patients and families and I miss the magic that comes with being a therapist, but I know that in 2019 I will regain some of my patient care time. But, I have been blessed to have this new position that allows me to work from home when life happens. And it challenges me in new ways that my other position was not doing. Cheers to unexpected life changes.
I took a tremendous amount of time caring for myself this year. My therapist challenged and pushed me to work through some difficult memories and painful emotions. She could have let me just come to therapy and vent about the incessant chaos and turmoil that has been 2018, but she pushed me and I grew. I learned how to manage my anxiety and not to use it as a crutch. I know some of my triggers and have learned how to be in tune with myself so I can identify what is truly an emotion and what is anxiety manifesting as an emotion. This was a life changing moment, so now I know when that random afternoon sadness hits like a truck it's my anxiety and hunger- I'm not really sad.
I learned to value myself and my time more than ever. In doing this I have become a better mother. This past month especially I have been able to focus on my kids and enjoying the magic of the Christmas season, despite the chaos. Even on our most chaotic weekend we had magic. I'm not saying we didn't have rough patches, but in my own growth I am becoming the mother that I want to be, and the one that my children deserve.
I have learned how to ask for help and accept it without feeling guilty (most of the time...) I have learned how to share my stories and listen better to other people's stories. While I feel at times that my circle has shrunk, I know that the people within my circle support and love me. With that knowledge I am being more discriminating about my circle. If you aren't going to love me and support me, then I don't need you in my life. With that I have made some great new friends; ones that make me laugh, that call me on my BS and support me in my chaos.
2018 was a year of painful growth and development, but it had a multitude of high moments. I have cried and screamed, felt like giving up, torn my hair and despite it all I am still standing. Not only am I standing, but I am taller and a more authentic me than I have been in a long time. I will go into 2019 continuing to be genuinely me.
Monday, December 31, 2018
Sunday, December 30, 2018
Thanks to my women in 2018
Here's the sister post to the previous. Not only were there a large number of men that needed to be thanked, but there have been some pretty amazing women in my life in 2018.
First- my mom. She is amazing. She watches my kiddos, fixes dinner, cleans and just does amazing "mom" stuff. But she listens to me and loves me, despite me being me at times. Thank you for the love, support and life lessons.
Then there's B. This gal has been there every step of the way on this crazy journey of 2018 (and before that too). She listens to me when I need to vent and offers advice and honesty when I need it. I can count on her in tricky situations. And she's always in for pizza, beer or a run. Thanks B.
I have to thank my therapist, K. This woman is amazing and excellent at her job. She listens to me well and has helped me process some heavy stuff. She's also not afraid to call me on my BS and give me crazy homework. Without her I'm not sure where I would be. So thanks to my great therapist K.
To my gal G- Thank you for listening to me about everything. It helps to have another female to talk to who's been through similar stuff. Peace and love to you.
To K- I never would have thought we would have bonded over something like divorce, but here we are. Thanks for the advice, love, support and suggestions along the way. And for being my date at some functions. What am I going to do in June without you?
To the lady H- Thanks for listening to me this past year and sharing your journey with me. It's been great to hear stories from the "other side" of this crazy thing called divorce. Your joy and happiness in your life is an inspiration to me in dark moments.
To J- I am so happy that we have continued to keep in touch and reconnect. Thank you for the advice over the past 6 months and listening to me about everything under the sun and moon and stars. 2019 will bring us light and peace.
To M and C- Thank you for the connection and encouragement. I like our little group and am hopeful we can manage an outing in 2019.
To my neighbors K and L- You ladies welcome my kids with open arms and hearts. My kids love to play at both your houses and I am blessed to have you both as neighbors.
To my coworkers R and N- Thanks to you two special ladies for listening to me and for the laughter you bring to me and your patients. You are both incredible therapists and your patients and families are blessed to have you.
To my officemate K- Thank you for tolerating my 8 million webexes that I have weekly and laughing at my funny stories. The office is too quiet when you're not there, and I miss you smiles and stories. Thank you for being you.
First- my mom. She is amazing. She watches my kiddos, fixes dinner, cleans and just does amazing "mom" stuff. But she listens to me and loves me, despite me being me at times. Thank you for the love, support and life lessons.
Then there's B. This gal has been there every step of the way on this crazy journey of 2018 (and before that too). She listens to me when I need to vent and offers advice and honesty when I need it. I can count on her in tricky situations. And she's always in for pizza, beer or a run. Thanks B.
I have to thank my therapist, K. This woman is amazing and excellent at her job. She listens to me well and has helped me process some heavy stuff. She's also not afraid to call me on my BS and give me crazy homework. Without her I'm not sure where I would be. So thanks to my great therapist K.
To my gal G- Thank you for listening to me about everything. It helps to have another female to talk to who's been through similar stuff. Peace and love to you.
To K- I never would have thought we would have bonded over something like divorce, but here we are. Thanks for the advice, love, support and suggestions along the way. And for being my date at some functions. What am I going to do in June without you?
To the lady H- Thanks for listening to me this past year and sharing your journey with me. It's been great to hear stories from the "other side" of this crazy thing called divorce. Your joy and happiness in your life is an inspiration to me in dark moments.
To J- I am so happy that we have continued to keep in touch and reconnect. Thank you for the advice over the past 6 months and listening to me about everything under the sun and moon and stars. 2019 will bring us light and peace.
To M and C- Thank you for the connection and encouragement. I like our little group and am hopeful we can manage an outing in 2019.
To my neighbors K and L- You ladies welcome my kids with open arms and hearts. My kids love to play at both your houses and I am blessed to have you both as neighbors.
To my coworkers R and N- Thanks to you two special ladies for listening to me and for the laughter you bring to me and your patients. You are both incredible therapists and your patients and families are blessed to have you.
To my officemate K- Thank you for tolerating my 8 million webexes that I have weekly and laughing at my funny stories. The office is too quiet when you're not there, and I miss you smiles and stories. Thank you for being you.
A thanks to the men of 2018
2018 has been a year of so many different people making impacts, small and large, on my life. I wanted to take a moment to thank them as best I can. As there have been so many I found while writing that it ended up being easier dividing them by gender. So thank you to these men of 2018.
First I want to thank my ex, my kid's dad. Crazy right?! But he has made it generally smooth sailing when it comes to co-parenting. We both love our kiddos enough to put aside our differences and do what's best for them.
Then there's my dad. He has done SO MUCH around my house. From building a second story in the treehouse, to mowing the lawn and painting and electrical; I could go on. I cannot express how grateful I am for all that you have done for me and the kids.
To my business trip friend- Thank you for restoring my faith in the random stranger connection; to teaching me to be vulnerable and how to find myself again. From a simple conversation 6 months ago you became a pivotal part of my healing process, and while I know you don't like to take credit for it, you helped immensely.
To my neighbor on the corner- Thanks for shoveling me out all winter, helping me rake and all the other little things that you do. This single mama appreciates every little piece of time that you give me. And thanks for the silly nights out; it's always nice to get out and swap some horror stories. It's so nice to have a neighbor like you that I know I can always call in a pinch.
To my next-door neighbor- Thanks for letting my kids play at your house, working on their basketball techniques and driving my youngest son around. I am blessed to have a neighbor like you and your family.
To my running buddy- There are not enough words to thank you for these past few months of support, in and out of our runs. 2019 is destined to be a good year for our running and our families.
To my friend B in PA- Thank you for the introduction to an author I would not have picked on my own and our quiet little friendship. Peace and love to you.
To my friend B in TX- Thank you for this crazy reconnection. What a crazy past few months it has been, but I am blessed to call you a friend. I am thankful for every text and song and advice that you send my way. I know you have my back and you know I have yours. I am looking forward to our coming adventure in 2019.
To my friend A in PA- If you're reading this I'm sure you're shocked to see yourself here. But in the short time we've known each other I consider myself blessed to know you. Thanks for the laughter and for helping me rediscover some hidden parts of me. I can only hope that 2019 brings us as much entertainment and growth.
To C- Thank you for the coffee, smiles, laughter and great stories. I am looking forward to more story-telling in 2019 and creating a few of our own.
First I want to thank my ex, my kid's dad. Crazy right?! But he has made it generally smooth sailing when it comes to co-parenting. We both love our kiddos enough to put aside our differences and do what's best for them.
Then there's my dad. He has done SO MUCH around my house. From building a second story in the treehouse, to mowing the lawn and painting and electrical; I could go on. I cannot express how grateful I am for all that you have done for me and the kids.
To my business trip friend- Thank you for restoring my faith in the random stranger connection; to teaching me to be vulnerable and how to find myself again. From a simple conversation 6 months ago you became a pivotal part of my healing process, and while I know you don't like to take credit for it, you helped immensely.
To my neighbor on the corner- Thanks for shoveling me out all winter, helping me rake and all the other little things that you do. This single mama appreciates every little piece of time that you give me. And thanks for the silly nights out; it's always nice to get out and swap some horror stories. It's so nice to have a neighbor like you that I know I can always call in a pinch.
To my next-door neighbor- Thanks for letting my kids play at your house, working on their basketball techniques and driving my youngest son around. I am blessed to have a neighbor like you and your family.
To my running buddy- There are not enough words to thank you for these past few months of support, in and out of our runs. 2019 is destined to be a good year for our running and our families.
To my friend B in PA- Thank you for the introduction to an author I would not have picked on my own and our quiet little friendship. Peace and love to you.
To my friend B in TX- Thank you for this crazy reconnection. What a crazy past few months it has been, but I am blessed to call you a friend. I am thankful for every text and song and advice that you send my way. I know you have my back and you know I have yours. I am looking forward to our coming adventure in 2019.
To my friend A in PA- If you're reading this I'm sure you're shocked to see yourself here. But in the short time we've known each other I consider myself blessed to know you. Thanks for the laughter and for helping me rediscover some hidden parts of me. I can only hope that 2019 brings us as much entertainment and growth.
To C- Thank you for the coffee, smiles, laughter and great stories. I am looking forward to more story-telling in 2019 and creating a few of our own.
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