Holidays

Let's just be clear for a moment. Holidays are a challenging time for everyone, but it's 10x, or maybe 1000x more difficult when you've switched from a big happy family to a split family. You can tell yourself all sorts of things, but every holiday presents challenges. Every previous memory is of a complete family and suddenly you find yourself alone with your kids, or just alone. Even if you're surrounded by family and friends, you're still alone or different than you were.

It doesn't matter if you're with family or friends during this time. There's still this feeling of "otherness" or being an "outsider" even within your own family/friends. You went from a duo to a single with or without kids. And even if it's not the first year, it still hurts. Social media shows us your happy families, and even if you're only showing the happy side of it, it can still sting. Add onto that the joy of the "memories" feature- yeah, it can make an already stressful time something crazy. Because lets face it, some of those memories are fairly bittersweet.

My advice to you on the outside? Have more patience with us that you usually would. There are many of us struggling more than you could imagine. We put on brave faces and fake it so well you can't tell that every moment is destroying us. Watching you interact with your spouse happily and seeing the intimacy serves as a constant reminder of what we had and currently don't have. So don't mind if we don't want to be the 3rd or 5th wheel on your family adventures. It's not a personal attack against you, but a way to protect ourselves. There is only so much one can take before you hit a breaking point. I'd say that after talking to many a single parent household none of us want to be remembered as the guest that lost control because we were surrounded by happily married families. So what does that mean? We hold our stuff together in front of you and have inner breakdowns or stuff those feelings into a box to be opened at a later date. It also means that we may not accept what feels like a pity invite to things. We don't want to be pitied, we want to be openly and honestly included, not an afterthought. If you really wanted me there, you would have reached out; asking me me last minute feels like a slap in the face.

Holidays are tough. They're just more difficult if you're still adjusting to your new normal. Please be patient and don't take it personally. We know you mean well, but sometimes our emotions are all over the place. Peace and love to you and your families. And know that we wish you the best, even if it costs us what feels like everything to be there with you. I love you all.