Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Parenting, partners and thoughts

So we went to an interesting talk last evening hosted by our preschool. It a was professor from the local university speaking about marriage, the good, the bad, the ugly of it all and conflict. It was a really great lecture. Taught me stuff I didn't know and demystified some myths about marriage and conflict. The overall concept was that conflict is a part of marraige.

One of the major things that I took away from that lecture was that physiologically we can become attuned and primed for conflict. If you are always in conflict your body will think that this is the norm, hence it makes it difficult for you to be in a calm state. The lecture focused on marriage and conflict, but this physiological aspect made me reflect on my personal parenting issues (see previous posts) and started me thinking that I have primed myself into conflict (ie my temper) with my kids. I have become so accustomed to the yelling that my BODY (not just my brain) thinks it's the norm. THAT my friends was a wake-up call. So today I started the journey, again, to maintain my temper better with my children. It's a struggle, a BIG one for me. And now I somewhat understand why- I'm not only fighting my own emotions, but a physical reaction (see increased heart-rate, blood pressure, adrenaline pumping).That adrenaline rush is a great feeling, so to have to restrain yourself from it makes it all the more difficult.

The other focus from the lecture was positivity and your partner. If we could spend 5 minutes a day personally reflecting on the positive aspects of our partner then we would build physical (ie neurological) pathways that would eventually overtake the traditional negative pathways that our brain likes to take. Our brain is generally wired to immediately fall along the negative path when things get stressful, but by positive daily reflection you are literally changing the way your brain processes information. When the conflict arises in your marriage your "new brain" will have an easier time staying positive or at the very least not harping on the negative.

So my reflection for the day about my hubby- he is a dedicated father, hardworking at his job and at home and he loves me for who I am (neurotic as I may be).

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