Teas & Memories

I crossed the slush covered street, stepping lightly and quickly, a smile coming to my face as the cold wind whipped into my hoodie. It was far different weather than my last visit to this quaint place. I stepped inside, my eyes darting to a table and little smile and a memory came to the forefront. Seven months later nearly to the day, I found myself standing in this same sweet little coffee shop thinking about iced matcha lattes despite the bitter cold outside the door. Today there was no one waiting for me, yet the memory lingered and if I looked past the 2 people sitting at the table of my memory I could see myself there, a black and white stripped sundress and black sandals, sunglasses likely perched on my head smiling at the gentleman across from me.

I stood at the counter in my hoodie contemplating: iced matcha latte despite the frigid temperatures or something new. A lavender honey black tea hot latte caught my eye and in that moment I knew this was not a time to reminisce with my previous beverage. With a beautiful piping hot beverage in hand I sank down onto the couch, just beyond a small divider from where I had sat months previously. A smile crept onto my face as I sat there sipping the steaming latte and reflecting on my first trip into this shop.

It was a sunny warm day in June and I walked into this cute little beverage shop in a sundress and my favorite sandals, a nervous flutter in my stomach but a smile on my face. I looked around briefly and spotted my date, matching his picture thankfully and my smile grew bigger. He sat there with a iced matcha latte a small smile on his face, looking slightly relieved from my perspective. It's always a little awkward those first dates, even after conversations on the app and seeing pictures it still never quite captures the uniqueness of the person you are meeting. I sat down briefly and we chatted before I popped up to order my drink. I stood there at the counter somewhat overwhelmed with the choices and distracted by my date sitting at the table, eventually landing on a matching drink. My mind was spinning at moments thinking "I hope he doesn't think I'm ordering this just because he did". In truth, his drink looked appetizing; I was just learning to enjoy matcha lattes; and, at the very least, we could compare notes on drinks, yet somehow I knew that we would likely have much more to talk about than our drinks.

Back at the table I smiled, took a breath, and simply started talking. I likely babbled, but the longer we sat there the more we shared and soon we were laughing and sharing stories. The drinks long finished and the conversation flowing easily, no awkward pauses or uncomfortable silences. Questions were tossed back and forth, and I would think that to those around us they would not likely know that we were sitting there on a first date. It was certainly easier and lighter than the others I had been on prior. As always on those first dates I could be nothing more than me, yet I knew this was a more authentic me in that moment. Sitting with my hot lavender latte I could fade the patrons away and see us sitting there 7 months ago, awash in conversation from books to Mini Coopers to adventure stories. The conversation and joy flowing easily over the hours. Time was lost on that day, it was a harsh awakening back into the world when he realized the time. I found myself shocked that nearly 3 hours had passed over a single beverage. I had thought maybe an hour and a half, yet it was double. Little was I to know in that moment that this would be a standard for our interactions, time speeding by as we discuss politics, snowboarding, technology, life, divorce, food, and yes even matcha lattes.

The scent of lavender fills my nose and mouth with each sip, soothing my anxiety momentarily and drawing up happy memories from the past 7 months. I want to sit on this couch for hours and ground myself in the memories, yet life beckons me onward to cheer for my children at a cheerleading competition. I am still reluctant to leave, just as I was on my first visit here. On that day in June we walked back to our cars together smiles on both our faces, a lightness in my heart, and a strong desire to see each other again. I promised to text him later as he did not yet have my number, and with this successful date I was ready to share my number. That first text was the start of many, just as the date was the start of many.

It has not been easy, there have tears and panic and anxiety. There has been miscommunication, projection, fear, and triggers. There was a break much needed by both parties, even if not wanted by both, but mutual respect for each other and a desire to maintain the friendship kept the communication lines open. Seven months later after those first iced matcha lattes we find ourselves together on our own unique path, undefined, yet inherently us. The conversations continue in similar fashion to our first, bouncing from subject to subject and time is lost. Invariably one of us catches a clock and realizes it is hours past when our time should have ended and one of us has to leave. There are nights when the conversation continues onward via text, and others it simply ends for the night to be picked up the following day. The connection and chemistry transcending physical presence.

It would have been nice to return to the scene with him accompanying me, yet today it was the gift that I did not know I needed. I sat in silence, smiled, reflected on the journey, dreamed about the future, and had a grounding moment in a day of anxiousness. It was not planned to return there today, it simply happened. I was in the area and wanted a hot cup of tea, as I walked in the bitter wind towards the shop it was only then that I realized where I was heading had history. I could see us there with our teas, I could reflect on the drinks we've had over the past 7 months, the meals, the laughter and the growth within each of us. Maybe one day we'll revisit and sit and enjoy iced matcha lattes again, maybe we won't, yet today's visit gifted me peace and for that I am thankful for the tea and memories.