Kids need to have fun and freedom, but they need to have chores and responsibilities so that they don't grow up to be entitled adults.
It's how I raise my kids. They have activities they attend, but significantly less than many other kids their age so that they have time to be free to play outside, be bored and just be kids. We have so much scheduled, restricted time as adults that I really believe that children need freedom in their time. I'm not saying my kids run wild, but you're likely to find them outside running through the backyard or the neighborhood park or reading a book. This is balanced with their chores; sweeping, dishes, caring for the cats, etc. For the most part it works fine for my crew and I. Sure, they can be crazy and entitled, but they're kids! I want them to value hard work, effort, patience, family and love. I want them to learn how to balance fun and responsibility.
The other important lesson I want my children to learn is to chase down their dream and goals and make them happen. We all know that goals are only achieved by hard work, dedication and grit. This life lesson is something that they have to learn independently, but that I can model for them. They are too young to remember the struggles of me earning my PhD. My oldest may remember some of it, but for most of their life they know me as a working mom, and now a single working mom, juggling everything the best I can. But in my juggling they're learning how much I love them and how hard I work for them, not how to chase goals and dreams. Because let's be honest, my goals and dreams have nothing to do with juggling 3 jobs.
They've watched me train for half marathons and full marathons, which certainly gets to the point of dedication, hard work and grit. Though, if I'm honest some of that has slipped from my life in the past few years. In the past 7 months though I was reminded that I used to have big goals and dreams and that it was time to start chasing them again (read here). There is a lot of controversy about this funny enough. I'm not talking about within my own family, but in general. I have heard from a number of other moms that it's selfish to take large chunks of time away from your kids to pursue your dreams and goals; that you need to wait until they have graduated high school or college; that our lives are to revolve around our children from the moment they were born, otherwise why did you chose to be a mom?
At this point in my life after everything I have learned since having my kids and getting a divorce is that my life should not revolve around them 100%. They need to be an integral part of it, but I need to live my life, for what am I supposed to do when they graduate and move on with their lives? I don't want my life to suddenly fall apart because I am not a full-time mom. I will always be their mother in some capacity, but I am still me at my core, and motherhood is just a piece of my identity. Maybe I have this perspective now because I am divorced and have kid-free time to explore myself and my interests, but I think it's healthy to have time away. I won't say there isn't guilt about it, but I will not let guilt hold me back from my dreams.
Why should I wait 10 years until my youngest has graduated high school? There will never be a perfect moment to pursue my dreams to make them goals and my reality. If I can find a way to achieve them that still allows my children to feel loved, secure and fit with my parent philosophy then I don't need your approval, but I would like your support. I just find it interesting that a community of moms who are all reaching for similar goals would be so harsh to a fellow mom (it wasn't me) telling her to put her dreams on hold for another 11 years, or to take her kids along. The point of some of these dreams, goals and ambitions is to learn about yourself, and let's me honest- it's difficult to learn about yourself when you're still in the full-time parent role. So let's stop judging other parents for their choices and support them when they are already making difficult choices.
The other important lesson I want my children to learn is to chase down their dream and goals and make them happen. We all know that goals are only achieved by hard work, dedication and grit. This life lesson is something that they have to learn independently, but that I can model for them. They are too young to remember the struggles of me earning my PhD. My oldest may remember some of it, but for most of their life they know me as a working mom, and now a single working mom, juggling everything the best I can. But in my juggling they're learning how much I love them and how hard I work for them, not how to chase goals and dreams. Because let's be honest, my goals and dreams have nothing to do with juggling 3 jobs.
They've watched me train for half marathons and full marathons, which certainly gets to the point of dedication, hard work and grit. Though, if I'm honest some of that has slipped from my life in the past few years. In the past 7 months though I was reminded that I used to have big goals and dreams and that it was time to start chasing them again (read here). There is a lot of controversy about this funny enough. I'm not talking about within my own family, but in general. I have heard from a number of other moms that it's selfish to take large chunks of time away from your kids to pursue your dreams and goals; that you need to wait until they have graduated high school or college; that our lives are to revolve around our children from the moment they were born, otherwise why did you chose to be a mom?
At this point in my life after everything I have learned since having my kids and getting a divorce is that my life should not revolve around them 100%. They need to be an integral part of it, but I need to live my life, for what am I supposed to do when they graduate and move on with their lives? I don't want my life to suddenly fall apart because I am not a full-time mom. I will always be their mother in some capacity, but I am still me at my core, and motherhood is just a piece of my identity. Maybe I have this perspective now because I am divorced and have kid-free time to explore myself and my interests, but I think it's healthy to have time away. I won't say there isn't guilt about it, but I will not let guilt hold me back from my dreams.
Why should I wait 10 years until my youngest has graduated high school? There will never be a perfect moment to pursue my dreams to make them goals and my reality. If I can find a way to achieve them that still allows my children to feel loved, secure and fit with my parent philosophy then I don't need your approval, but I would like your support. I just find it interesting that a community of moms who are all reaching for similar goals would be so harsh to a fellow mom (it wasn't me) telling her to put her dreams on hold for another 11 years, or to take her kids along. The point of some of these dreams, goals and ambitions is to learn about yourself, and let's me honest- it's difficult to learn about yourself when you're still in the full-time parent role. So let's stop judging other parents for their choices and support them when they are already making difficult choices.
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