Welcome back... it's been a really long time since I blogged about anything. Life has been so chaotic that I haven't wanted to post anything. But it's finally time.
Part of this post have been over a year in the making and I finally have the courage to write. A little over a year ago the decision was made for the hubby and I to separate and divorce. I will not rehash the details, the hows and whys and all of those things here. There are some things that still deserve privacy and this is one of them. Suffice it to say I was not happy, and after a long road I decided I could not be married anymore as it was detrimental to my health and happiness and that of my children. Hence the name change.
All of that being said, it has been a very long journey, both to get to that point and to the point I am at now in my life. Along this journey I learned that I suffer from anxiety. I reached out to a licensed professional and have been in counseling for almost 2 years at this point. I still have moments where my anxiety spirals like crazy, but I am learning new ways to manage things. This is especially important when I find myself surrounded by my 4 crazy and lovable kiddos and rising anxiety. Single motherhood is not for the faint of heart and it's been a huge adjustment for us all. Sometimes when the anxiety rises it means a time-out for me, sometimes it means a time out for everyone. Sometimes, it's a reach out to those people that have been there for me the past year.
It's been an experience to see who has been there for me on this journey. I will say my family has supported me 100% and gone above and beyond to help me and the kiddos through this transition. It's been everyone else that has surprised me. I've had many friends reach out with the standard "let me know how I can help," but a very limited few who actually took the initiative to help of their own accord. And by help it could be a text message, note on my desk, hug or an ear offered at a crucial moment. Here's the honest truth: I would have loved more support, but there was no way I could ask for it. It took every ounce of my strength and courage to get up and out the door everyday for months on end. I had no more strength and courage to admit to anyone that I would have loved a meal cooked for my family, or to have someone else set-up a coffee date or girls night out on my nights alone. Getting divorced is a grieving process. In our society when a loved one dies they are surrounded by friends and family providing food, support, etc. At one of the most critical times in my life, when I really could have used that support, I found myself nearly alone. My extended family is at the closest 1 1/2 hours away, so it fell to my friends, neighbors and tribe. And while a very select few were there, the majority were not- they were waiting me to make the first move. As I said above, I was in no way able to make the move, as much as I would have loved to. Anxiety, mild depression and grief ruled me. I used my courage and strength to be happy and strong for my children and be as successful at my job as possible when your world has changed. I was/am that picture of your "strong friend." If you didn't know what I was going through, you very likely would not have guessed.
Now, none of this is written to make you all feel guilty, but it's written to inform you that if you have someone going through a divorce, or ANY tough time- don't wait for them. YOU need to be the one to reach out. I know we are seeing more of this posted throughout social media and I can only hope and pray that this time it sticks.
But, I promised you a story as well today.
I firmly believe that God places people in our life at certain points for reasons. Now I find myself unexpectedly with an amazing new friend that I can't help but feel was placed there by God. And, it all started with a simple conversation on a bus trip during a business trip. It's funny how something so simple can have such a huge impact on you. While I'm on the bus to my training my soon to be friend asks to sit in my open seat, and we start chatting about what we're taking for training and just little things. But in this day and age, having a simple conversation with a stranger is a rarity. We shared a lovely conversation about a small host of topics and when we arrived at our training I figured we would part ways. Unbeknownst to us we had both arrived a day early to training and found ourselves almost stuck at the training center for the day. Luckily, we were able to secure a ride back to our hotel where we discovered we were on the same floor just doors apart. Tentative plans were made for the day that fell apart, but we met up again the next day on the bus. I won't say we became best friends instantly, but we certainly shared a bond from the previous day. We decided that we should stick together in our class and spent the week sitting in class, cracking jokes and sharing meals. It made my trip so much less lonely than the previous business trip I went on this year. I haven't laughed so hard in months, or maybe a year. It was amazing. For me personally it was one more step in my healing process from the divorce, and I am forever grateful. So please take the time to talk to those strangers, smile, make new friends because you never know where you new good friend will be found.
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