Hiking

Magic. It's my word for the year. It's not about the top hat and illusions that may come to mind, but the wonderment, joy and amazing things that can happen. What comes to mind are a child's first steps; that moment when you have accomplished something otherwise unattainable- that magic. The magic that comes from dedication and determination, as well as the kind from the unexpected. This past Memorial Day weekend was filled with all kinds of magic.

Almost 3 weeks ago on a spur of the moment, completely impulsive decision, a friend and I opted to go backpacking Memorial Day weekend. Maybe that doesn't seem like a big deal to you, but I've never been backpacking in my life. It's actually something I have wanted to do since I was a young teen. So, it was a big deal to me that my friend who is a well experienced hiker would be willing to take out a complete novice. The two weeks leading up to the weekend were filled with a mildly controlled chaos as I learned snippets about gear, purchased gear and tried to figure out how not to make a complete fool of myself. Let me tell you I was terrified of making a fool of myself and that my friend would have a horrible time since I knew I would be slower. This is when the magic began; not only did my friend have ultimate patience for me but also was genuinely concerned about me having a good time and being safe. With both of us being worried about the other, but being able to be open about it, we were able to set the stage for the weekend.

The decision was made to spend 1-2 nights out on the trail depending on how I was doing. Saturday we set off and drove to what I now know as one of the toughest portions of the Appalachian Trail in the state of PA. I just knew at the time we headed out that I had agreed to a "hard" trail. My theory was if I could handle and enjoy the "hard" trail something more simple would still appeal to me on my next trip. You see, I was already sure that I was going to enjoy this adventure and want to do it again. That didn't stop the nerves from hitting as we donned our packs and set out. The terrain was steep and I had to think about every step and how to use my poles. As much as I was thinking, I was enjoying it, laughing at myself as I stubbed toes on rocks and tried not to go flying.

Sure, there were moments of personal frustration, fatigue and pain, but there were moments of wonderment looking out over the valleys and river. There were beautiful views, walks along the ridge-line under a blue sky and then under a canopy of fresh green trees. The quietness and peace that you find out in these places that speaks right into your soul.

Magic. I was filled with magic of my own making and supported by the kind generated from my friend. How can I describe the joy, peace, and happiness I experienced on my brief time out? I can't. The trail, my friend and I created a magical trio that I will carry with me always.

Mindset

You know those days, weeks, moments where you feel like the world is throwing everything at you? Where you are standing in the midst of a hurricane or facing a massive wave? I'm sure you know exactly to what I am referring, suffice it to say that since Monday last week life has been a hurricane. Let me give you the highlights:

• woke up last Monday to kid a who had vomited in his sleep overnight
• had to drag said child with me to pick up furniture that had to be picked up that day
• mowed the grass Monday with an apparently flat tire on my mower, so I trashed the yard AND shattered the cover to the sewer access line
• asked for help jacking up the mower and removing the tire and we were out in the rain and pitch black at 10pm trying to get the tire off
• a 5 minute fix of replacing the cover on the sewer access line turned into 20 minutes as I had to dig out more than expected
• tried to offload my old furniture via FB marketplace for FREE and had people repeatedly stand me up, thus I had new living room furniture delivered with half my old set still in place
• opened the shed Friday afternoon to learn that the roof is really leaking and needs to be replaced ASAP (guess what I'm doing this weekend)
• rain threatened for Saturday, the day we had an outdoor party scheduled to celebrate B's First Communion (thankfully it held off!)
• engine light came on in my van
• took the car for an oil change and to get looked at for the engine light and they asked me to take it to the dealer for that
• dealer charged me a crazy amount to tell me that the light was a malfunction because the software needed to be updated
• while my van was at the dealer they left a big scratch down the rear quarter panel and sliding door
• It's show time this week and next at the gymnastics center where I work my second job, so it's just more chaotic than usual. 
• I'm in negotiations with my lawyer about my divorce during this entire period

And I'm likely forgetting a few things, but yeah it's been chaotic. I can tell you that last year had this happened I would have been extremely whiny and complaining, ready to throw in the towel. It's not to say that I haven't had those moments these past 10 days, but I've been able to laugh and smile through most of it. It took me until late last night to realize that the reason I'm not crushed with all of this is the mindset shift I've undergone.

I could whine, complain and just live in the negativity that all of this chaos brings or I can embrace the chaos and shout back at it. By embracing the chaos I've created a positive energy to counteract the negative spiral that threatened. And that my friends is HUGE progress. Who remembers my post from just last summer where I wrote about the anxiety spiral? This hurricane of the past 10 days could have easily pulled me into an anxiety spiral, but I haven't had more than 1 instance where it even attempted to drag me down. It amazes me how much my mindset and attitude have shifted.

Shifting my mindset and attitude has been no easy task, but at this point I am reaping the rewards. I have so many blessings and people to be grateful and thankful for that I can be overwhelmed. To all of you that have touched my life in the past year I thank you.