Enough

I am enough.

Three very powerful little words. I'm sure you've read them somewhere, whether a post, a meme or in a book. It's something I think we ALL struggle with. Those crushing feelings of not being good enough, pretty enough, strong enough- just not being "enough" for everyone else, much less yourself. There's about a million self-help books and articles about how to make yourself "enough"; I should know, I feel like I've read them all. But, they basically all sum it up into one thing- to be "enough" has to come from within.

I get it. I really do. We are supposed to have sufficient self esteem and self confidence to overcome societal pressures to be happy, even exuberant (but not content) about ourselves. And per all of these resources it has to come internally. Again, I get it. But when you're struggling a little external validation that you matter, that you're important, that you're a human, much less an attractive female, can go a long way to boosting that internal mindset. Because when you have anxiety like I do and you ride the rollercoaster of it, you can have days where you are on top of the world and that self confidence radiates like a beacon, but then you can have days where you are stuck in a valley of self doubt, being fed the lies of anxiety. It makes it challenging to keep a mantra in my head that I am enough; that I am worthy. This is where I need to share a story, well really two, about 2 friends of mine. I have some great friends, I really do, but these two made impacts that I'm not sure they knew about until really recently.

A little over a year ago I was really struggling with so many different issues. It was just a short few weeks after the decision to divorce was made. I had the opportunity to be at an event and mingle with other adults. Not something that occurs often in my crazy world with my kiddos, especially when it was something that had nothing to do with my work. This now good friend of mine, spent probably 45 minutes just chatting with me. I don't have a clue what we talked about, but it was a turning point. I remember leaving the event feeling amazed that someone wanted to talk to me that long. I felt important, special in that moment and I was able to hold that feeling for a while. It was really what I needed at that moment. And now, that same friend takes time to check up on me, stop by to say hello and make me laugh. I actually brought it up to my friend a little while ago and they vaguely remembered the event. They had no idea how much of an impact it had on me. It was such a simple, human gesture, but I consider it a turning point in my life. Just a little external validation that I existed as a person and was worthy of speaking with was what I needed. (And yes I have thanked this friend for this.)

My other friend is a newer friend, in fact I'm referring to the one I posted about a month or so ago who sat down next to me on my business trip. Crazy right? We continue to remain really good friends, and I am forever grateful for our friendship. I actually make it a point to tell my friend this, because it is so important to me. Why? Because this friend of mine is also going through some struggles, and I want them to know that they are making a difference in my life. In fact, I continue to believe that we were put in each other's paths for healing by God. I'm not generally an overly religious person, but this friendship and connection cannot be denied. This friend has listened to me rant through the chaos of the past 3 weeks (that's another post) and managed to make me smile and even laugh on one of the darkest days. But what does that have to do with being enough you say? Everything. This friend reminds me that I am a strong, capable independent woman without actually telling me that. Said friend reminds me that there are no set rules in a divorce, that I am important and that I matter. And to be clear, none of it is said directly, it's in the attitude and little things.

It's those little external things, that for me, can feed that internal self talk and remind me that I am enough; I am important; I matter; I am desirable. And when anxiety comes stalking I can call on these memories to help quiet it. And the more memories and positive experiences I have, the louder I can make my internal voice. So I want to tell you all that even though people seem to think it ALL has to come from an internal source, I think it's ok to have an external source that feeds you. And it's just another reminder to be a kind human, you never know how much an impact you may be having on someone's life.