30 Days of Thanks: November 2

Yesterday I wrote of friendship, the gift it is, the changes it brings, and how it weaves into our lives. Today, I am still thankful for friendship, but especially for the deep, intimate friendships, for the friends that trust you and love enough to let you walk with them during those painful times. I'm thankful for these relationships where someone loves me and trusts me enough to share these moments with me. It's often not about having the right answer, or answer for them, but holding space and time for them; carrying their burden for a moment to allow them to breathe. When you can offload your burden for a moment, catch your breath and reset, that burden is suddenly lighter, maybe more manageable. 

It is a gift and a blessing to have forged these relationships and I am thankful for them. Thankful the friend who called tonight in need and allowed me to be there with them, to walk with them through fear and remind them that all is not as it seems. It's not dismissing their pain, their experiences, but offering perspective- when needed or wanted. Often it's as simple as saying "yeah it does suck" because there are many times when we need to hear that it's ok to not be ok. We live in a world that values perfection and happiness, without recognizing that messiness and sadness are parts of life, part of the human experience, and require just as much recognition. I am honored that I was chosen to walk with them, and I pray that our call helped facilitate some healing, or at least a brief moment of peace.

I'm thankful for the depth of our friendship and the moments we shared today, for despite this friend needing support they were able to offer me some healing and love. Tonight the words and support were kind reciprocally and we have both worked at this to have moments like this without anger or jealousy or fear reigning. Each of these emotions may have appeared tonight, yet they did not dominate. I am thankful for this friendship and for the growth within it.

Flowers just because

30 Days of Thanks: November 1

 It's my annual tradition to blog my days of thanks this month. Simply a moment to really reflect and document what is important to me on that day at that moment. Today is a simple thing: friendship. I am so thankful and grateful for friendship. For the seasonal friendships where people come into your life and then leave, and though I mourn the loss I am grateful for the time; for the long-term friendships, the people that have followed me from state to state to state.....; for the new friendships. Each relationship is unique, some are certainly more dynamic than others, and yet each one holds a place in my heart. These people have been there for me, then not been there for me, and for the most part love me for who I am. This crazy, messy woman who's out making dreams into goals, wrangling 4 kids, and living a life less ordinary.

I am thankful for the friendships that my children develop. Tonight as my eldest attended her first homecoming dance with her best friend for the past 6 years it was a fun time to watch them get ready together. Though they don't spend a lot of time together they were all smiles and you would never know that due to schedules they rarely see each other. My youngest son has developed some incredible friendships this year and is out almost everyday at house hanging out; again it's something special to watch. Even this morning when the youngest and her bestie missed the bus I am thankful they had each other. Each of these friendships shapes them, nurtures them, and feeds them in ways that I cannot. In turn it also feeds me. There is such synergy and beauty in these gifts of friendship.

S off to her homecoming dance

Saturday Busy

 A few more minutes sleep and being in bed was all I wanted this morning, then I glanced at the clock and found myself nearly out of time to cook a meal and drive the oldest to go cheer at a local 5k. The clock was pushing at me, relentless in its movement forward, dwindling the time available. Muffins were baked, eggs were cooked and we were out the door, her with the muffin in hand, and me to return to finish cooking my own breakfast and to sit and enjoy, even if briefly, that cup of hot coffee. On that drive to drop her off I mused at the weather, sunny skies with clouds, a breeze, and cool, with a hint of warmth coming- perfect hiking weather I found myself thinking. Yet I knew that a hike was not in the plan for today.

Today was filled with the jumble of kid activities, the constant movement from one to another. Cheerleading at the 5k, gymnastics for 1, cheerleading practice for 2, which morphed into for 3, my other child enjoying the fall day with friends at a carnival, and me in and out of the car, squeezing in a run for my health and sanity. In the midst of all of this we completed a final harvest of the garden, pulled up the plants, and began changing out the summer clothes for winter clothes. It was a full day here in this single parent household, and while I'm thankful and grateful to have active children it would be nice to take a day to enjoy a fall activity. I had so hoped to take them to a corn maze and pick pumpkins, and while the possibility exists for it to occur tomorrow, it does mean jamming it in between activities.

Sunday will not be a day of rest for us. One child has to serve at church at the early service, and my oldest has yet another cheerleading event in the morning, followed by one in the afternoon. It is in moments like these that I miss the quietness of quarantine. We had more opportunities to hike, take our time, relax, and reset. While my kids are easy going, go with the flow, kids, it can be a strain on me to shuttle them around. There is not that moment to rest, reset, and find that connection into ourselves when the clock is demanding that you manage your time. While a 34 min run allowed me to reconnect, it was squeezed in between so many other things that the recovery and lasting effects were short lived.

This post is not a complaint- all parents with kids in activities go through very similar issues, both in single parent and dual parent households; this post is sharing a moment in the life of a single parent of 4. A mom simply wishing to take her kids out to do a fun family activity without being aware of the clock. This post is a tired mom wishing for time to breathe for herself, juggling the desire to spend quality time with her kids and the want to be alone. This post is a mom finding space for both of those and living in the moment. This is her doing her best to balance her own needs and those of her children. For tonight I am thankful for their health, their joy and commitment to their activities, and my ability to manage it all.