For the past 36 hours I have watched my best friend begin an incredible adventure. One in which they are continuing to follow a dream and are taking incredible steps to make the vision become alive and tangible. I have cried happy tears at the pictures and videos, simple joy at watching my dear friend find success. A new beginning is success, just as an ending is.

A short month ago we were both to begin new journeys, both fulfilling dreams that we have held close and worked diligently towards. Then a setback for my friend, one that threatened to take away this adventure, change everything, and alter life to a course in opposition to the vision. In the midst of their setback came my own, and we both found ourselves unstable in life. Our momentum stalled, sputtered, and we carried each other as best we could. There were long phone calls, texts, and a vulnerability between us that we had not previously shared. I watched in awe as a small community rallied with my best friend, supported in a way I could not, and I watched my friend begin to recover their vision, momentum, direction. In turn I waited for my own turning point, a clearer path forward, yet with each small forward movement another obstacle arrived. As my best friend finds momentum I find myself staring at these obstacles, forward movement at a minimum. The tears threaten to overflow at these ongoing challenges, and they do in small moments bursting with sadness and frustration. I would like us both to be on the adventures that we have envisioned, and I am not. 

In truth I am on adventure, it is not what was envisioned, not what was planned, not what was wanted. There is no peace on this new adventure, there is minimal joy, there is a lot of heartache, sadness, and anxiety. I know that it is a moment in time, that it will change, and that for now I must endure, but it does not prevent the pain. It does not prevent me from wondering when my own dream will be actualized as I observe my best friend begin to attain theirs. I am happy for them, thrilled especially at the joy and peace they are finding, yet I am sad within my being. This adventure of mine tears at me, creates anxiety that comes out on my skin, small itchy blisters on my fingers and hands, briefly held at bay with medication. It is an adventure that I hope will soon transform to what I had envisioned, what my best friend and I had both envisioned.

There remains a piece of hope that my own journey will find forward momentum and I will find peace as my best friend is finding theirs. Parallel adventures. For now I find joy in their adventure, as I await changes in mine.

30 Days of Thanks: November 30

This past month has brought a lot of different things into my life, and even if I have not written daily here my gratitude and thankfulness I have worked into a mindset of being thankful each night before I fall asleep. Finding gratitude helps cultivate joy, which, on nights such as tonight, are important. Today I find myself thankful for the old friendships, the new friendships, family, and the community that I am creating. I am thankful for the small returns to normalcy including a Thanksgiving race and Thanksgiving dinner with extended family.

Mostly tonight I find myself thankful for a lesson I didn't want. A lesson in trust and expectations was taught, a simple reminder that my path is different than the rest. A lesson in trusting the process and accepting what is and will not be. It was a reminder that I had been praying for peaceful acceptance of the opposite of the expectation of tonight, thus I should not be surprised at the outcome, or lack thereof. I know I'm being extraordinarily vague in the lesson and situation, yet I am sure you all can relate to the experience of praying for one thing, expecting something different, and still finding yourself upset by the situation when it aligns more with the prayers than the expectation. A lesson that will carry well into the holiday season. Thank you for the gift.

30 Days of Thanks: November 24

Today I was part of history. Today I made history.

Today the American Perimeter Trail Conference launched our membership platform. We have moved from a project to a non-profit to a membership-based non-profit in under 2 years. It has been an incredible journey. So much more incredible because of the passion and drive and LOVE that Rue and I have poured into it. There has been so much love, so many tears, blood and sweat from him, and to be truthful there have been fights and incredibly rough moments that had us both wrecked beyond belief, but our passion has pulled at us. It has pulled us apart and drawn us back together to keep at this.

I'm thankful for the effort he has put in, the passion, drive and desire to keep this moving. I'm thankful for my own passion, dedication, and drive to keep this moving. I'm thankful for the community that we have built; for the love they have shown us, for the continual support, and for the family that we all have created out of this.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to present the American Perimeter Trail to the public. It's been a process of putting our hearts on display every day, putting our faith in strangers, and trusting that this what we are supposed to be doing. Today we made history in launching the membership; I made history in becoming a member. I am so proud of what we have done, what we will continue to do, and so thankful for the opportunity. I am thankful for the opportunity to show my children what it means to chase down dreams and turn them into something. To show them how achieving a dream is not a solitary journey, but that of a community. I give thanks for the APT, for the community, for the chance to be a part of history and make history.