I don't often dedicate or write about a particular individual here on my blog, but today I'm thankful for my TX B. Despite the chaos of his life right now he called me knowing I was having a high anxiety night. It was just one of those nights were I felt incredibly alone, neglected, unimportant, unloved and lonely. When you have anxiety these feelings are amplified and your anxiety feeds you all kinds of lies. Even if you know within you that it's false and anxiety is lying and manipulating you, the emotions are real, the grief is real and the battle is intense. That's where I found myself tonight.
My trigger? My kiddos are gone with their dad until Sunday and I fielded question after question today about the holiday. Challenging when I celebrated my holiday already and while I will celebrate again on Thursday with family, it's not with my kiddos and that's just my reality. I also know that last year I struggled immensely at Thanksgiving and I am working diligently at choosing not to be the person I was last year at this moment. Last year my TX B was there for me, calling me when he knew I was a wreck and blowing up my phone when I wouldn't answer. I was such a wreck I refused to answer my phone that night, and he kept at it until he knew I was as ok as I was going to be in the moment. This guy is one of my best friends, despite the time apart and distance between. I am incredibly thankful for the call and support day in and day out.
It's pretty rare that I can share the raw, unedited version of events with people. Even the raw emotions and stories I share here have been edited for posterity. It's not that I'm ashamed, but the world does not need to know every detail. I can share intimate details of my life with him and know he won't judge me. He will listen, offer advice, and support me. We're amazing friends and often people think we have been lifelong friends. Truth is we were friends in middle school, and went into different circles in high school and then I moved. Thanks to facebook we reconnected a bit, but last year as he started a difficult chapter I reached out to him, and fairly harassed him until he caved and let me into his circle. It's from there that we have grown our friendship into the gift that it is. I can't be more thankful and grateful than I am at this moment. I'll be able to sleep better tonight after our phone call earlier and the silly texts to make me laugh. Good and genuine friends like this are a blessing and I'm honored to have him as mine.
Tuesday, November 26, 2019
Monday, November 25, 2019
30 Days of Thanks: Days 23-25
Whew! Somehow the weekend got away from me. Thus you get a catch up post.
Day 23 (Saturday) Can I just be thankful for a nap and caffeine? Seriously! My flight out of Texas left at 5am, so I was up at 2:45am to catch a ride to airport to be in line for security by 3:20am. Needless to say it was a long day, fueled with a brief nap on the plane and a short one I squeezed in at home, and a very large caffeinated coffee!
Day 24 (Sunday) On this day my family celebrated thanksgiving as my kids will be with their dad out of state per our normal arrangement. This year I expanded my table to my good friend and his family. It was great to have the crowd around the table with 2 turkeys, lots of sides, laughter and noisy children. Memories in the making. I'm thankful for the time and ability to host something like this event. I have a table large enough, enough resources to make it happen and the joy to share. Holidays can be difficult, but on this day we celebrated with love in our hearts.
Day 25: Today I'm thankful for all of you that encouraged me on my writing journey. You've read all these posts (or most of them) and had kind words. I have little training in writing of this style. My writing training has been scientific and we all know that's completely different. It's because of your ongoing encouragement that I have 3 writing endeavors on the horizon. One is already public as you're aware, the other 2 are still in the infancy stages. There will be more coming about them as they develop.
Day 23 (Saturday) Can I just be thankful for a nap and caffeine? Seriously! My flight out of Texas left at 5am, so I was up at 2:45am to catch a ride to airport to be in line for security by 3:20am. Needless to say it was a long day, fueled with a brief nap on the plane and a short one I squeezed in at home, and a very large caffeinated coffee!
Day 24 (Sunday) On this day my family celebrated thanksgiving as my kids will be with their dad out of state per our normal arrangement. This year I expanded my table to my good friend and his family. It was great to have the crowd around the table with 2 turkeys, lots of sides, laughter and noisy children. Memories in the making. I'm thankful for the time and ability to host something like this event. I have a table large enough, enough resources to make it happen and the joy to share. Holidays can be difficult, but on this day we celebrated with love in our hearts.
Day 25: Today I'm thankful for all of you that encouraged me on my writing journey. You've read all these posts (or most of them) and had kind words. I have little training in writing of this style. My writing training has been scientific and we all know that's completely different. It's because of your ongoing encouragement that I have 3 writing endeavors on the horizon. One is already public as you're aware, the other 2 are still in the infancy stages. There will be more coming about them as they develop.
Friday, November 22, 2019
30 Days of Thanks: Day 22
Old friends.
Today, I'm thankful for old friends. I've been down in Houston helping out a friend I've had since middle school, thanks to the generosity of a high school friend. In the midst of all of this a friend I have had since kindergarten (who managed to keep track of me through 8 moves) has been checking in on me. I have some really amazing friendships that have spanned large distances, but these two in Houston have been super supportive of so many things I have endured over the past few years. It's interesting because while we were friends in those different periods of our lives we weren't as close as we are now. I would have never considered us best friends in our history, but they are certainly part of my crazy small tribe now.
I've enjoyed sharing stories with my kids about these people and the importance of friendships and how they evolve over time. There are those friends who pass through your life in a season or two and those that may lay low in the background until it's time to resurface, as well as those that are ever present. I have not had a traditional life, growing up in the same place, but instead we moved a lot while I grew up. I am friends with people from each of these junctions in my life, and thankful for all the different experiences and influences that they have had on my life. But these "old" friends mean the world to me. Love you 3 to pieces.
Today, I'm thankful for old friends. I've been down in Houston helping out a friend I've had since middle school, thanks to the generosity of a high school friend. In the midst of all of this a friend I have had since kindergarten (who managed to keep track of me through 8 moves) has been checking in on me. I have some really amazing friendships that have spanned large distances, but these two in Houston have been super supportive of so many things I have endured over the past few years. It's interesting because while we were friends in those different periods of our lives we weren't as close as we are now. I would have never considered us best friends in our history, but they are certainly part of my crazy small tribe now.
I've enjoyed sharing stories with my kids about these people and the importance of friendships and how they evolve over time. There are those friends who pass through your life in a season or two and those that may lay low in the background until it's time to resurface, as well as those that are ever present. I have not had a traditional life, growing up in the same place, but instead we moved a lot while I grew up. I am friends with people from each of these junctions in my life, and thankful for all the different experiences and influences that they have had on my life. But these "old" friends mean the world to me. Love you 3 to pieces.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)