30 Days of Thanks: November 3, 2020

Tonight I sit here at my computer and reflect on the past 4 years as I have the election coverage in the background. I can't help but reflect on what I was doing 4 years ago on election night. Four years ago, on election night as we all sat watching the contest between Clinton and Trump come to head my life reached a critical moment. It was that evening that I shared with my husband at the time that I was unhappy, miserable, and wanted a separation. Not a divorce, but a separation. Our divorce came months down the road.

I sat that there that night in fear. Fear of his reaction, fear of my choice, fear of the impact of my choice on my children, and feeding on the general public fear that Trump was gaining ground. I was terrified, shaking, but I found the strength and courage to have that conversation. It was not easy, and it took all of me to make it through my statement. That evening as I slept on the couch I found my body depleted in a new way, but also at peace. How could such a traumatic moment in my life give me peace?

As I reflect back to those moments 4 years ago I am thankful for the courage I gained that night, and the courage that has continued to be with me since then. It was one of the most difficult nights of my life, but I found courage among the fear. More importantly, I found myself. I can see now with 4 years of life behind me, that in that moment I found a new love and respect for myself. That courage, love, and respect have fueled these past 4 years in creating this new life. They have given me the strength to keep fighting for a life I love and one that loves me back. I will use these gifts to continue my life less ordinary.

30 Days of Thanks: November 2, 2020

 Friendship.

It's such a simple thing, but today a true friendship is what I am most thankful for. I have made many friends in this lifetime, some are seasonal friends, some are location friends, and a very select few are lifelong friends. There have been many season friends whom I thought would be lifelong, only to have them drift away. I will try and try to maintain the connection, but a friendship must be maintained on both ends for it to thrive.

Today, there was a simple phone call in which specific topics were meant to be covered, and while those were touched upon the call quickly became one in which this friend reminded me (again) that this is a lifelong friendship. During the conversation it was apparent I was having a rough morning and this friend took the time to remind me and guide me through some truths. Was it easy? No. Was it comfortable? No. Did I sit there in near silence, blinking tears out of my eyes while I was spoken to? Yes. Did I want to hear all of that? Honestly, no, but it was things I needed to hear, things that I need and want to address in my life. Truths were spoken from a place of love and kindness and even if I wasn't in a place at that moment to receive all of it, they were heard.

Friends like the one above are rare. Friends that are willing to walk with you through the jungle that is anxiety and trauma response are unique individuals. These friends are willing to hold your pain briefly so you can breathe and then release it back to you. They can be problem solvers if necessary, but they understand, often from their own experience, that you can solve the issue within yourself, you just want someone to walk with you and validate your experience. On this day in November, I am thankful for the gift of true lifelong friendship.

30 Days of Thanks: November 1, 2020

Every year I compose a blog a day in November, to give thanks, to reflect, and to set my intentions for the last of the year. 2020 is no different in that regard, though we can all agree that 2020 has been a challenging year. There are many who wish to never repeat this year, think of this year, or even speak of this year come 2021, yet I am not one of those. I will admit that it has been a challenging and difficult year. I have had to search for the joy amidst the chaos and stress, yet joy has been found, as well as love. In the moment I cannot say that I am thankful for 2020, but I am thankful for the opportunities that it has provided.

Today, November 1, 2020 I am thankful for opportunity. This year I have been able to have an entire new world of possibilities opened to me; ones in which I could have never dreamed about. When the opportunities have presented themselves I have made myself available. These opportunities have brought new friends and friendships, an abundance of love and a new purpose and passion to me. As the opportunities have grown I have watched them impact not only me, but my children as well, and this was unexpected. It's been a beautiful gift.

Opportunity in 2020 has also presented itself in increased family time and connection. Though there have been many moments when the 5 of us are certainly tired of seeing one another and we long for separation, we all have connected more. Yes my kids have driven me crazy, and driven each other crazy. Yes, they want to be with their friends more, not wear a mask and just return to pre-Covid life, but I also know they are enjoying have more flexibility and free-time in their schedules. We all are benefitting from this unique opportunity.

To be fair not every opportunity has had a positive outcome, but today I am here to give thanks. What are you thankful for today?