Sanctuary

Find one that makes you melt with a touch, smile at their words, and wraps you in their arms into a space of sanctuary.

These are the words I posted to an Instagram story the other night.

Similar phrases and words that I have seen others post, yet something I never have experienced fully until recently. It is approaching a year that my incredible man has been in my life, and while we have not been officially together the entire time, it bears celebrating. Over the past 10 days I have spent much of that time overwhelmed and stressed, pushed to and beyond my breaking point, and there he was- always a supportive text away. Countless text messages, voice memos, and a few long phone calls all of which were received while he was dealing with his own intense stressors. There were no complaints, nothing but support and care and concern for me, solutions and suggestions were offered and never once did I feel like I was being a burden. Never once did I feel dismissed, or that my current problems were less important than his. I was too stressed and overwhelmed to even have a moment to allow my trauma responses to surface. I focused on breathing, the miniature plans that we made, and doing my best to find a way through each of the compounding difficult moments.

There were hugs that grounded me, reset my heart-rate, restored my ability to take a deep breath, and move out of the adrenaline phase where I found myself. Hugs that I never even had to ask for; I walked in his door and he simply wrapped me up and held me until he knew I was calmer. There were countless cups of hot tea made, pancakes prepared, and all done of his own accord without prompting- nothing more than him being him. A retreat away was offered, a space to rest, recover, and reset with nothing more to do than exist in a safe and peaceful place with his calming company. I received caretaking in a way that I have gifted, yet not previously received from someone in this role in my life. In a period of intense stress I found healing.

After a recent dinner we found ourselves in our usual space: talking, laughing, and sharing in his kitchen. With a hug and gentle touch from him I melted into his body, my body and mind finding peace. Words he crafted for me that left me both speechless and smiling; words that had me leaving that night with eyes welled with happy tears; words that even in this moment bring a knowing smile to my face. There is sanctuary in the space that we are creating.

There is peace in the stability that is us. Don't ask us what the future holds, we do not know. While we make tentative plans, we are happy and accepting in evolving us in a time and space designed by us.