Dissertation update, part 1

So there has been a LOT going on the past 2 months in regards to my dissertation. So this is part 1: where I am at and what has happened. Part 2 is a commentary (vent?) about something that occurred today.

If you follow me regularly you would have seen the crazy schedule that I posted a while back. We have been keeping to that crazy schedule, though with a few more breaks built in for everyone's sanity. In regards to the dissertation all five of my chapters have been written and reviewed (at least once) by my adviser. Chapter 3 (which is study #1) is off to 2 other committee members and I am expecting their feedback sometime this week, most of which I expect is that it is too darn long (60+ pages, not including figures, tables, or references). I am revising Chapter 4 (study #2) currently and will have it done by the end of the week. Intro and lit reviews (chapters 1 & 2) are waiting on review from my chairs from their second round of edits by me. Next on my list of things to edit and revise is my final chapter, summary and conclusions. This chapter needs a lot of work, especially because I apparently failed miserably when I wrote it. *sigh*

So I know two posts ago I was ranting about delaying my defense and while I could still rant about it I won't (at least for now).  The basic facts are that I am anticipating a defense in May or June. I really can't afford to go any later into June. I HAVE to get a job, earn some money somehow to get us out of this financial pit we are in. On the upside I do get to "walk" at Commencement in May. My name won't be in the program, a degree will not be conferred, yada, yada yada........but to me it's super important to walk. Hubby and I don't plan to be here in December when I could walk and have my name in the program, etc. and it's not financially feasible for all of us travel back here just so I can participate in graduation. So while I really wanted to participate fully in graduation and BE DONE with this process by May I guess I have to suck it up and move on.

So that's the abridged version of what has been going on. You really don't want to hear the unabridged version.

Thanks

Thanks to all the support from my family and friends the past two days. I don't want to be a drama queen, and I hope I'm not portraying myself as one, but it has been quite a journey. So anyways, THANKS again.

I really appreciate all the support and thought and prayers. It really does help to know that people are proud of you and supportive of your choices- no matter how crazy it seems.

THANKS to you all and I will remember you in my prayers tonight.

Dissertation update and rant

So now that you know how crazy life in general is, let me update you on this dissertation. Data collection is done and data analysis is done. I have written all of my chapters except my final summary chapter (which is due Saturday). I don’t think I realized how much I opted to tackle when I designed this study, but lord I wish someone on my committee had sat down/stood up/something and said you MUST cut something out! Honestly maybe that has been the issue from the start is that I feel like I don’t have anyone being my cheerleader and supporter. While I do have one committee member that I adore, he is a junior faculty member in comparison to the others and I don’t think that he would make waves unless he felt it was unethical.

So back to my data. I have 16 variables and 5 subjects for each study. Now for many of you that doesn’t seem excessive, but when you are doing a single-subject design study that means there is NO group comparison. You graph each variable for each subject and you write up each variable by subject. No you do the math: 16 X 5, oh and then multiply that by 2, since I had to redo my first study. Needless to say excel and I are good friends most days.

The not so great news is that I don’t have any clear trends in my data, it’s a jumbled mess! I could easier deal with other things than this mess I brought upon myself. Honestly I have no one else to blame, but me in regards to the massive amount of data. But I wish that it had some clear cut trends. Trying to dissect that much data and figure out what/why things didn’t go as planned has been horrific. It doesn’t help when you aren’t getting the assistance you feel you could use from your support system and they just want to know why your project didn’t work and these others did. *sigh* It’s been a rough past few weeks and I know I have more to tackle.

I’m just seriously disheartened by the lack of academic support and the delays that keep occurring. It makes you want to quit, but you know you can’t when the end is in sight. The difficult part about the end is that in my opinion it keeps getting pushed back by others. It’s frustrating to send an email with a timeline and have not one person respond to it and when you bring it up 1 month later in regards to another issue it is finally addressed and you are told it’s not obtainable, why don’t you wait another 4-8 weeks?! I guess to them 4-8 weeks isn’t bad, but I assume they are not struggling to pay their bills or feed their families or are burned out beyond belief (both hubby and I) and are in desperate need of the vacation that has been delayed (again). I understand that EVERYONE who earns a PhD has setbacks and it is a true journey and test of character, but honestly I feel like I have struggled and struggled and there has not been the support from the academic side that there really should have been. I’m sorry if you think I’m whining and complaining, but if I don’t do it here I will explode. I can’t make complaints at school for fear of repercussions and the honest fact that I need the contacts that academia will provide when I finally leave this place.

So I guess enough of the pity party and back to work. My writing is calling.